


See you around, Danvers

by playlike-agirl (playlikeagirl)



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Emotions, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Maybe some angst, Smut, They're so in love help me, maybe some smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-05
Updated: 2017-06-05
Packaged: 2018-09-15 02:14:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 31
Words: 38,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9214460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/playlikeagirl/pseuds/playlike-agirl
Summary: Here are a collection of one shots from my tumblr @sawyeralexJust thought I'd put them all together here :)





	1. Your eyes remind me of the ocean and I wouldn't mind drowning in them

**Author's Note:**

> From this prompt: 'things you said but not out loud'

There were so many things Maggie wished she’d said to Alex, instead of telling her they should just be friends, that this would never work out, but she said none of them, kept them all in her head, scribbled down in old notebooks instead.

_I used to hate my name Danvers, but then you said it for the first time and it felt like everyone else had just been saying it wrong._

_You smell like the ocean and grass that’s just been cut, a faint whisper of smoke and I want to know if you taste like spearmint and whisky, like I imagine you do when I think about kissing you, which is all the time by the way._

_I’m pretty sure I’m drunk on you Alex Danvers. Drunk on the way your eyebrows raise in indignation, in surprise, in hope and in realisation. Drunk on the way you look in that leather jacket, your hair falling perfectly as you pull your helmet off and climb off your bike._

_Your eyes remind me of the ocean and I wouldn’t mind drowning in them._

_I’m pretty sure I’m falling in love with you._


	2. You know me Danvers, I love being dirty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You're getting crumbs all over my bed" prompt

Alex walks back to her bed from the bathroom, hair damp from the shower, a towel draped round her waist and stops abrubtly at the sight of Maggie in her bed, at the sight of her  _girlfriend_  in her bed. Truth be told, she never stops being surprised by Maggie in her bed, by Maggie holding her close as she drifts off to sleep, by waking up next to Maggie, watching the soft rise and fall of her chest, admiring the way the sunlight surrounds her, hair splayed out on the pillow, like an angel. She never stops being surprised that Maggie is here, with her. Maggie reassures her in any way she can that she loves her, that she thinks Alex is the most astonishing woman she’s ever met. She leaves little love notes on sticky notes across her apartment, she brings her flowers, she lets her rant when she’s had a bad day, she lets her cry when Kara’s in trouble, she lets her take her time, she lets her process everything. But Alex still finds it hard to believe sometimes; that she’s this happy, and that it’s ok. It’s ok it’s ok it’s ok to be this happy. But now? Now she just feels pure joy and amusement because Maggie is sitting crossed leg in her bed, the covers draped around her ankles, wearing nothing but boxers and one of Alex’s old hoodies, stuffing cookie after cookie in her mouth.

“You’re getting crumbs all over my bed.”

Maggie’s head shoots up and she smiles, dimples and all and Alex laughs. “M’sorry,” Maggie mumbles out and Alex rolls her eyes.

“No you’re not,” Alex teases, walking slowly towards the bed.

“You’re right Danvers. I’m not, at all. These cookies are amazing. Remind me to thank Kara for picking them up. Oh, and don’t tell her I ate them all, I know what she’s like with her food and I definitely don’t want to be on the end of Supergirl’s food induced rage. Plus, look.” Maggie gestures to herself, tugging slightly on the base of Alex’s hoodie. “I look cute.”

Alex rolls her eyes, but moves closer, placing the empty plate on the bedside table and scooting over to her girlfriend. 

“You do look pretty cute,” Alex agrees and she doesn’t miss the way Maggie’s breath hitches. “I do like it when you wear my stuff.”

“Mmm hmm,” Maggie breathes out. “And I like it when you wear nothing but a towel. Or, you know, preferably nothing at all,” and Maggie closes the distance, lifting up on her knees to kiss Alex softly on the lips.

“God you smell so good Alex,” Maggie sighs as she breaks the kiss, running her hands through Alex’s damp hair.

“It’s called being clean, you should try it sometime,” Alex smirks and Maggie smacks her playfully on the arm.

“Well, you know me Danvers. I love being dirty. Maybe you should join me,” Maggie retorts.

And with that Alex laughs and nods enthusiastically and Maggie’s hands come to the top of Alex’s towel to let it drop, tracing her fingers down to the curve of her breast and Alex moans and Maggie’s breath hitches as she attaches their lips, breath coming in short bursts, determined to show how Alex just how dirty they can really be. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any more prompts you'd like to see? Feel free to send me some @sawyeralex on good old tumblr.  
> Also fluffy sanvers makes me want to scream into a pillow, kbye.


	3. This is their love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'd kill for a coffee...literally."

Alex paces around the control room of the DEO, her hands moving from cracking her knuckles, to resting on her hips, to running through her hair as the rest of the team watch warily from a distance, Winn sneaking occasional glances, careful not to catch Alex’s eye. After all, he’d been on the receiving end of Alex’s wrath before, and he definitely did not want to find out even one, let alone six of the painful things Alex could do with her index finger.

J’onn approaches her slowly, placing a hand on her shoulders, but Alex flinches at the contact; she always flinches at any contact, any touch that isn’t Maggie’s. She never flinches at Maggie’s touch and she never has, not even the first time in the dive bar when Maggie had placed a warning hand on Alex’s forearm as she reached for her gun, but she had acquiesed and responded to her touch, something she was definitely not wont to do, something that only Maggie could make her do. She sinks into Maggie’s touch; her body relaxing, the sharp angles of her hips, of her elbows softening slightly, a slow breath, a calming exhale leaving her body.  _Maggie_. Maggie is the only person, other than Kara, who could reassure Alex and whilst Kara could make Alex smile, could make Alex feel better, feel loved, feel safe, with Maggie it was something else entirely. Maggie makes her feel all of those things and then some. 

Maggie makes her feel better with the touch of her hands, the sound of her voice: the simple words  _it’s gonna be ok Al, I promise it’s all gonna be ok._ The only person Alex would believe those words from is Maggie, because she’d heard them time and time before, from Eliza, from Kara, from Winn and J’onn and James, and usually, things had not been ok. Things had fallen down around her and her life had almost crumpled at the seams. Yet with Maggie, somehow Alex knew it all would be ok. Sure, maybe a rogue alien would get loose, maybe an innocent one would die, maybe a mission would fail, and maybe Alex would feel like it was all her fault, but with Maggie everything would be ok because she has Maggie and Maggie has her and they both have love and the warmth of a hand to hold and lips to kiss, and somehow, somehow, that is enough. All the sadness, all the doubts, the feelings of failure and not being good enough would fade because Maggie is her girlfriend, Maggie is her home and Maggie loves her. She trusts Maggie with her whole body, her whole life. So, if Maggie said it would be ok, it would all be ok.

Maggie makes her feel loved, like she’d never really known love before, and she hadn’t. She understands the songs she used to think were soppy nonsense and she devours poetry like there are never enough words in the English language to describe falling in love. She would die for Maggie without thinking twice and she would build castles in the sky and move heaven to earth for Maggie if she asked her to. And Maggie would do the same for her, she knows it. Maggie would spend late nights at hers after a sixteen hour shift, listening to Alex cry, to Alex complain and would hold her and make her feel loved, reminding her she is loved. Every single day she is loved and she is amazing. This is love for Alex, this is their love. It’s sacrifice and arguments and laughter and tears and pure, pure bliss. This is Maggie. 

She feels safe with Maggie and the only person she’d ever previously felt safe with was Jeremiah. Maybe she’d have felt safe with Kara if she hadn’t been conditioned to protect her, to make Kara feel safe with every bone of her body. She’d never considered how Kara makes her feel safe everyday because she’d never let anyone look after her until Maggie, but Maggie does. Without a word. She’s tearing Alex’s walls down and Alex is admitting her fears and her weaknesses and Maggie is quieting them with her lips, with her touch. With her heart and with soft words of _I’m here Alex and I’m not going anywhere._ AndAlex believes her. 

Yet Maggie also makes her feel much much  _more_. Maggie makes her feel like there’s something more to life than work. That bright summer mornings are meant for lying in the garden, her head in Maggie’s lap, reading quietly, content in each other’s silence. That late nights are meant for dancing around the kitchen, empty beer bottles and pizza boxes scattered around on the counter. Maggie makes her feel like fire and electricity and strength all rolled into one. She makes her feel  _alive_. 

So she knows this isn’t Maggie’s touch because she’s flinching and she’s moving slightly and J’onn is glancing at her, questioning her and Alex turns and J’onn explains to her that  _the mission was a success Alex, there is nothing to be worked up about._  But Alex starts pacing again, listing off things she could have done better, how they could have caught the one that escaped. 

“Agent Danvers! Listen to me,” Jonn demands and Alex stands still. “We did it Alex, the mission was a success, the alien drug smuggling ring is broken and we have the narcotics, and you’re going to do one of the many things you do so well and analyse them in the lab. But later, because right now, I’m instructing you to go on a break.”

Alex just nods. “I’d kill for a coffee…literally,” she smiles out, and J’onn returns it and Winn looks relieved that the next thing that came out of Alex’s mouth wasn’t a threat or a grunt.

“Go. Now,” he points and Alex turns on her heels to walk out because she knows it’s an order and not an offer but then Alex sees her, her leather jacket hugging her perfectly, the loose waves of her soft soft hair brushing her shoulder and all her anger, all her frustration is gone and she’s beaming. She’s actually beaming and Winn is laughing and J’onn is chastising him gently  _because she’s happy do not make her feel embarrassed._  Winn clasps his hand over his mouth, his smile growing. 

“You know you should just offer Maggie a job if this is all it takes to calm Alex down,” Winn suggests and J’onn just raises his eyebrows because it’s not the first time that this idea has come up on his radar.

Alex bounds over to Maggie who is grinning at her girlfriend, unaware of her previous bad mood, and then Alex kisses her soundly on the lips.

“Hey Danvers.”

“Mags, you read my mind,” Alex smiles out as her girlfriend hands her her coffee and she sighs as she takes a much needed sip. 

“It’s a good job you know your girlfriend so well Maggie, she was threatening to maim us all earlier,” Winn laughs out. Maggie just raises her eyebrow, asking silently if Alex is ok and Alex nods, soothing Maggie, reassuring her she’s ok, she’s ok.

“Don’t exaggerate Schott. And watch it, I could still do that,” Alex wiggles her index finger at him, earning a laugh from a few of the agents. 

Alex winks as she takes Maggie’s hand. “Now if you don’t mind, my girlfriend and I are going to grab some lunch.” This earns her a few whoops and a squeal off Kara who has suddenly appeared, and now J’onn is smiling and so is Winn. J’onn nods softly at Maggie, who smiles back, and he’s silently thanking her for making Alex happy, for loving Alex, for falling in love with her, and for catching Alex when she fell for her right back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading :)  
> Feel free to head over to my tumblr @sawyeralex and send me any prompts!


	4. You can't fight hate with hate, only love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From this prompt: do you take writing prompts? would you write future married sanvers running into maggie's parents? please and thank you :)

Maggie holds her wife’s hand, running her thumb lightly over the soft skin of Alex’s hands, smiling when Alex squeezes her hand back, smiling because she’s  _happy_. Finally happy. She’s in love and she’s lost in the vortex that is Alex Danvers; in the way that, even now, when she kisses her she feels electricity shoot through her entire body, in the way that a single look from her wife can  set her world on its axis again, in the way her touch can soothe her in all the ways she’s ever needed to be soothed, in the way that she can be who she is, who she’s always been around Alex. 

She thinks back and thanks her lucky stars that she finally plucked up the courage to kiss Alex, to tell her she felt the same,  _god she felt the same_  and she’d never looked back since, and now three years down the line here they were: married, happy, happy, happy. And Maggie could see it in Alex’s eyes too, could see the way the weight of the world that she carried on her shoulders lifted every time Maggie listened to her, every time Maggie told her it was ok,  _baby it’s ok, I’m here_. She could see it in the way Alex smiled a little brighter, blamed herself for everything a little less, and she was honoured to be even a small part of Alex Danvers realising who she was and how she could be happy.

So Maggie stops them in the street and gently tugs on her wife’s hand bringing her to a standstill, earning her a look from Alex that’s laced with confusion and quiet concern, but then Maggie pulls Alex into her and places a soft kiss on her lips. Alex sighs softly, smiling into the kiss, her hands lacing round Maggie’s back, mumbling.

“What was that Danvers?” Maggie asks as she pulls back from the kiss, smiling.

“I said what was that for?”

“I need an excuse to kiss my wife do I?” Maggie teases and Alex laughs, pulling Maggie in for another kiss.

“No, never,” Alex answers with such sincerity, with such desire in her eyes that Maggie falls in love all over again.

“I was just thinking,” Maggie starts, before remembering that they’re literally in the middle of the street. “It doesn’t matter, we’re just kind of standing n the middle of the sidewalk in the way, this is dumb-” Maggie starts, but Alex is shaking her head and pulling them towards a shop window so they’re out of the way of people passing them.

“Not dumb Mags, at all. Tell me,” Alex encourages, smiling softly and  _god_  Maggie wonders how she got so lucky to find this woman, this incredible woman who never silences her, never tells her she was too much or not enough, this woman who loves her for everything she was and all the things she wishes she were. This woman who has literally almost died for her, several times, this woman who Maggie would, and almost had, done the same for.  _Her wife._

Maggie smiles and she continues, eyes not quite meeting Alex’s, but her fingers toying with Alex’s leather jacket. “I was thinking about us Al, I just. God I love you and I’m so happy we’re married I mean you married me how crazy is that-” Maggie gestures to herself and Alex laughs, interrupting her slightly. 

“Sawyer, I think I should be more surprised that you married the baby gay over here,” and that earns a wholehearted laugh from Maggie and Alex grins at her ability to make her wife laugh.

“I think you’re at least PhD level gay now Danvers.”

Alex snorts, “my mother must be so proud,” and Maggie laughs again.

“Anyway Danvers, what I was saying before you interrupted me was,” and Alex shrugs her shoulders good-naturedly, kissing Maggie’s cheek, “that I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy and I didn’t think it was possible to be this happy and I just, yeah I was just thinking that I needed to tell you.”

Maggie looks up into her wife’s eyes and she’s smiling fondly, nodding her head. “I know Maggie, I know,” and they both do. They both understand; their pasts had been broken and slightly bent, painful and far from idyllic, and even though their presents weren’t exactly all plain sailing, they had each other, and that was enough. That was more than enough.

“I love that you literally stopped me on the sidewalk to tell me you’re glad we’re married,” Alex chuckles out and Maggie shrugs her shoulders now.

“And I love you,” Alex replies, kissing Maggie softer now, aware they’re surrounded by people, but not caring, her hands finding their way into Maggie’s hair as she hears her wife sigh softly into the kiss, but all of a sudden they’re pulled out of their spell because someone is bumping into them and Alex is jolting back, aware, aware.

“I really don’t think you should be doing  _that_  in broad daylight,” comes the voice of a tall, dark haired man with features that remind Alex of someone and then she hears Maggie gasp behind her and o _h no, oh no, oh no, please no_.  _Here? Why? How?_  All rush through Maggie’s mind and Alex reaches behind her and she finds Maggie’s hand to try and tell her, she knows, she knows who this is. This man with the malice in his voice and the violence in his eyes and Alex wonders how Maggie still has so much love in her after this man, this person threw her out at fourteen to fend for herself. Alex can feel her hands trembling and she’s moving forward. 

“You mean kiss my wife?” Alex challenges and the man’s gaze drifts from where it’s  been focused on Alex to Maggie who’d been standing half behind her and his face hardens and Maggie steps out so she’s side to side with Alex, their hands intertwined, her palms sweating.

“Is that you?” The man asks and she hears a question that is laced with anger and she is already wondering how she can explain this to J'onn when she inevitably punches this man, this man who is supposed to be her wife’s father, but then Alex is distracted by the appearance of a woman by his side and  _holy shit_  she is Maggie in thirty years time and Alex’s heart breaks all over again for her wife, because these are her parents and this is how she’s meeting her wife’s parents and Alex knows she has her own problems with Eliza, but for a mother to turn her back on her daughter is something Alex will never understand and she feels her anger bristle to the surface again, but Maggie. Maggie is still silent beside her and she turns her gaze towards her wife and Maggie has  _that_  look in her eyes. The look that means she’s ready, she’s ready for battle and she’s not going to take shit from anyone.

“Dad. Mom. I don’t know why you’re here and I don’t want to know, because I know it’s not to see me,” Maggie states, simply, with a slight twinge to her voice as if saying those words was already too personal. “But this is my wife, Alex Danvers,” and Alex waits, waits for something, but there’s nothing, no softening of her mom’s eyes, no glimpse of happiness, of acceptance of their daughter and Alex stands up straighter, ready to jump in, but Maggie has this, her beautiful, wonderful, strong wife has this.

“And I know you hate this, hate who I am, so I’m not going to waste my anger on you. You’re my parents and despite everything, I love you. It’s not that easy to switch it off, you can’t just stop loving the people who gave you life. But I no longer care. I no longer care that you hate who I am and hate that I love who I love. So, yes, this is my wife. My  _wife_. And I’m happier than I’ve ever been. Happier than I ever was in Blue Springs, in that hellhole, because she made me realise something. Alex, my wife and my wife’s family made me realise what love actually is. Love isn’t hiding who you are, it isn’t pretending that everything’s fine when it’s definitely not. Love isn’t tiptoeing around. Love isn’t fear, love isn’t closing parts of yourself off to please others. Love is being yourself and embracing that. Love is realising when things are not okay and it’s working through it, together. Love is loud and it’s unafraid, love is being unapologetically you. Love is acceptance. Love is this,” and Maggie squeezes Alex’s hand and Alex doesn’t thinks she’s ever been prouder in her entire life and she wonders if they’re going to say anything, but her dad’s brow is furrowed and her mom isn’t even looking at them and Alex just wants to scream at them, but she doesn’t. She just holds Maggie’s hand tighter.

“You know where I am, you always have, and I know you’re never going to be ok with this, but I’m ok with you not being ok now. It hurts, but I have a family now,” Maggie takes a deep breath and without another word from her parents she tugs gently on Alex’s hand, a  _we need to go now, quickly_ , and Alex complies. 

“Goodbye mom, dad,” Maggie states and Alex wonders if it’s the last words she’ll ever say to her parents but Maggie is striding off and she isn’t looking back and her parents aren’t coming after them and Alex’s soul is shattered and she knows Maggie’s is too. So she walks them soundlessly back towards her place, and she unlocks the door, her hands never leaving Maggie’s; their fingers intertwined, her hand on the small of Maggie’s back as she lets them in the front door, and when the door closes behind them she scoops Maggie into her arms and carries her to the couch.

“Baby, it’s ok. I’ve got you. Let it all out, I’m not going anywhere. You were so amazing, I’m so proud of you,” Alex murmurs into the softness of Maggie’s hair as her wife falls apart in her arms, tears running down Alex’s cheeks because this isn’t fair, this has never been fair. So they stay like that for as long as they need to, Alex whispering soft reassurances to Maggie, kissing her forehead, stroking her hair until she hears Maggie’s sobs even out, hear her breathing calm down, her face nestled into the crook of Alex’s neck, their legs tangled together and Alex lifts her again, bringing them to bed. Maggie stirs slightly as Alex motions to remover her shoes and her jeans and Maggie nods, reaching out to Alex.

“I’m here babygirl,” Alex reassures her, and she strips off her own boots and jacket and gets into bed with her wife. “It’s ok, come here,” and Maggie crawls into Alex who holds her tight. Holds her and kisses her and loves her as if she’s trying to make up for all those years she felt so unloved and she vows to love her more if that’s even possible. To remind her daily that she’s amazing and brave and worthy of so much love. Because she is, Alex knows. She’s worthy of everything the world has to offer and Alex just wishes she could make everything right, but maybe, maybe just by them being together, them being married, everything would be. Because you can’t fight hate with hate, only love. And love was the one thing they had in abundance.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have too many feels.  
> If you have any more prompts feel free to send them to me at @sawyeralex


	5. Danger or no danger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From these prompts:   
> Sanvers prompt: last episode when Alex has a gun pointed on her, and Maggie comes out saying to let her go, but what if the guardian hadn't shown up?
> 
> are you taking prompts? because i’d appreciate it if you write an alternative ending for that sanvers scene in 2x15 where the cadmus guy pointed a gun at alex and maggie was all worried

Maggie smiles to herself as she walks away from the pool table, proud of herself for beating the formidable Alex Danvers at pool. She heads towards where Winn is perched at the bar and she cocks her head slightly, hearing a noise at the entrance to the bar but then she hears a bang and a flash of light and suddenly there’s fire, there are flames and gunshots and shouts and screams and Maggie is being thrown across the bar and landing, painfully. Hard.

“Fuck,” Maggie curses to herself, checking all her extremities and then assessing the situation.  _Alex, Alex, Alex,_  Maggie thinks but then she sees her girlfriend, on her feet, a pool cue in her hand and she’s literally beating the shit out of the assailants with the freaking pool cue she’d been using merely minutes ago and Maggie would be turned on if her life weren’t in actual danger. So she rises to her feet, her gun raised, shooting at the black clothed men before they can even get close to Alex.

Because Alex always has her back and Maggie will forever have Alex’s and she knows, she  _knows_  that they’ve got each other; they work well together like this, with Alex using that freaking pool cue for God’s sake, taking down assailants like they were flies and Maggie flipping guys twice her size over her head, checking, glancing, always checking. Checking that Alex is ok, checking Winn’s ok, and Alex is doing the same. Never taking her eyes off her attackers, but always keeping Maggie in her peripheral vision because she’d die before she let anything happen to her. Happen to the woman she loves. But still, there’s always the possibility. It’s the nature of their jobs and whilst neither of them likes to admit it, they know that in a second their worlds could be ripped apart, but they’re in their element right now. They’re strong and they’re tough and they’re not going to let this beat them.

Maggie sees Alex pull out that gun from her holster and shoot at one of the attackers and Maggie is hot on her heels, but it’s too late because two of them have grabbed Lyra and are taking her outside the bar, her legs flailing, her screams piercing their ears. Winn is shouting, but he’s on the floor, injured and without a second glance Alex rushes after Lyra, telling Winn, reassuring him that they’ll get her back.Maggie runs out after Alex after deftly flooring one of the black clad men who’d decided he’d try and be clever and sneak up on her but Maggie is five steps ahead because she twists his arm behind his back and kicks him in his knees as he falls to the floor and Maggie runs because  _Alex, Alex, Alex._

All Maggie hears is “freeze or I will shoot,” but then she hears a gruff voice,   
a “stop,” and the unmistakeable click of a revolver to Alex’s back and then she’s outside and this man, this monster has a gun pointed at her girlfriend and if Maggie weren’t so good at being a cop she’d fly at him, strangle him, jump on him, anything to get him away from Alex. But she’s trained, so she stays where she is, her hands shaking, palms sweaty.

“Let her go!” Maggie yells, the crack in her voice evident, but she can’t get a clean shot off, not with his arm around Alex’s neck. Alex looks into her eyes, searching Maggie’s, trying to calm her and her hand comes up in a simple gesture.  _It’s ok Maggie, it’s ok._  But it’s not ok, because he has Alex, he has a gun pressed to Alex’s back and Alex is strong but she’s not Supergirl, she’s not bulletproof.

Maggie’s heart is pounding and her head hurts and she feels sick because she doesn’t know what to do. For the first time in a long time, she’s at a loss as a cop, because even though she cares, she cares too much about every situation she’s in, this is so much more because this is her Alex. This is the woman she loves, the woman she adores. The woman who brushes off compliments like she doesn’t believe them, the woman who Maggie never stops giving compliments to. The woman whose nose crinkles when she’s reading something particularly sciencey that Maggie definitely doesn’t understand. The woman who reprimands her when she says ‘sciencey’ because o _h my God Maggie that’s not a word_. So she just stands there; she’s frozen and she definitely cannot get a good shot off and she doesn’t want to shoot Alex, but what if he takes her and then Maggie is moving forward and Alex’s eyes are narowing at her.

“Maggie! Stay there!” Alex demands but Maggie shakes her head and she takes a deep breath.

The attacker holding Alex tightens his grip around her neck and Alex winces slightly.

“I said let her go,” Maggie repeats and he laughs, he actually laughs.

“Oh yeah, and what are you going to do about it huh? She’s coming with the rest of these scum,” and Maggie feels pure anger now.

Alex is squirming slightly, trying to catch her eye and Maggie looks down from his vice like grip and looks at Alex who jerks her head imperceptibly to the left and anyone who didn’t know Alex, didn’t have even a small knowledge of tactical missions would miss it. But Maggie doesn’t. Maggie doesn’t and she nods. 

And then it happens, in the blink of an eye Alex is using her free hand to elbow her hostage taker in the ribs and using her bodyweight to crouch, flipping him over her shoulder and he’s on the floor, but not for long because he’s trained well and he springs back up, but now his back is to Maggie and Maggie doesn’t hesitate. She fires a shot and he falls and Maggie feels relief because Alex is ok. Alex is ok and she doesn’t know if she’s killed this guy or not but she doesn’t care and she’s rushing over to Alex and her hands are everywhere. Checking checking checking.

“Fuck they got away!” Alex curses, but Maggie doesn’t care in this second because  _Alex, Alex, Alex._

“Hey, hey Mags, I’m ok, I’m ok. It’s ok,” Alex’s face softens as she realises her girlfriend’s concern as Maggie’s hands find her face and she’s kissing her, hard.

“Gun, to your back Danvers. Not ok,” and Alex chuckles.

“I’ve been in worse situations.”

“Not the point Alex,” Maggie deadpans. “The point is I was scared and I hesitated because God Alex it’s you and I don’t know what I’d have done if he’d taken you or hurt you and I can’t lose you I just. I can’t lose the woman I love.”

“You’re not going to lose me Maggie, I-wait, did you just say you love me?” Alex stands back, perplexed, cocking her eyebrow. “Did you actually just say you love me, after the bar was attacked, essentially in the middle of a mission now Lyra and half the bar has been kidnapped?”

Maggie ducks her head cursing herself inwardly. This was definitely not the way she’d wanted to declare her love, but she was angry and she was sad and she was relieved and the words just kind of slipped out.  _Shit_. “Not the most romantic way, it just I-it slipped out,” but Alex is crashing her lips to Maggie’s and she’s whispering  _I love you toos_  into her lips and Maggie is smiling and then she’s wincing because being blasted across a bar hurts. 

Alex pulls back at the noise, lifting Maggie’s chin. “Are you hurt?” Alex asks adoringly.

“Nothing a little Dr. Danvers can’t kiss better,” Maggie teases and Alex rolls her eyes.

“Come on,” Alex motions, reaching for Maggie’s hands. The DEO will be all over this but I want to go call it in anyway, and we can check you out back at the lab. Maggie nods her agreement and follows her girlfriend, her breathing finally evening out somewhat, but she knows. Knows that this isn’t over, that every day with Alex is dangerous; their jobs are dangerous, but she wouldn’t have it any other way. Because danger or no danger, Alex is hers, now forever and always.


	6. Mom you bought my girlfriend a teddy?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From this prompt: i saw that you take prompts and maybe you could write about eliza giving maggie a teddy bear that has a little ncpd shirt 'i was passing by the store and look at the shirt,it reminded me of you... its silly i know, but here, i want you to have it' and maggie cant help but smile bc eliza treats her like a daughter and alex is laughing bc wow her mom is cheesier than her when it comes to maggie

“Ugh Maggie I don’t want to go to Kara’s, I don’t want to eat dinner with my mom,” Alex whines, her hands grabbing onto the material of her girlfriend’s t shirt as Maggie tries to get up off the couch they’d crashed on when Alex had come back from the DEO just under an hour ago.

“Oh poor baby,” Maggie teases, kissing Alex’s forehead. “It’ll be fine, plus I like Eliza she’s always nice to me.”

Alex furrows her brow, earning another kiss from Maggie who smiles at her girlfriend’s adorableness. “Of course she loves you, you can charm anyone,” and Alex sticks her tongue out and Maggie laughs wholeheartedly at this childish side of Alex Danvers.

The side she knows she has probably never shown to anyone bar Kara, because showing others what she’s really like means showing vulnerability and in her experience vulnerability is weakness. So she’d spent her teenage years and most of her twenties closing herself off from people, or at least keeping them at a distance. Granted, she’d never had close relationships until now, until Maggie, but part of the reason Alex never figured out she was gay until Maggie was because she thought she was too guarded to let anyone in. That wasn’t true, she’d just never met the right person who was worth letting in, but Maggie? Maggie changed all that even if it wasn’t easy at the beginning, because it wasn’t; she’d almost pushed Maggie away too many times because she thought it was all too much, she was too much, her feelings were too much and everything would be easier, simpler if she just pushed her emotions down and threw herself into her work, like she always had done. Of course Maggie never let her. She confronted her and she told her that she couldn’t push her feelings down anymore if she wanted Maggie to stay. So she didn’t, she worked on opening up, on letting Maggie in and Maggie listened and Maggie cared, Maggie held her when she cried and soothed her with soft kisses and strong arms. And Alex? Alex felt loved and cared for like she never had done before. She felt valued. And she felt enough. And she’d never ever felt like enough, but Maggie made her feel it, and that was something Alex had always needed.

So Alex isn’t afraid anymore, isn’t afraid of showing vulnerability, or of showing who she really is, how soft and silly she can be in front of Maggie and Maggie adores her, loves her until her heart bursts for it.

“She loves you too,” Maggie sighs softly, pressing a kiss to Alex’s lips as she rises off the couch and Alex nods because she knows Eliza loves her, she just always wants the best for her and doesn’t know how to show it a lot of the time.

So Alex grumbles but she gets ready and they grab the tiramisu they picked up for dessert as they head over to Kara’s and the door is flung open before they’ve even had a chance to knock. Kara is pulling them both in for hugs and eyeing the dessert up already.

“Calm down other Danvers,” Maggie teases. “This is all mine,” and Alex just snorts at that because Maggie knows better, Maggie knows that when Kara’s around food nothing is ever safe, favourite food or not.

“Hi girls,” Eliza greets as they enter Kara’s apartment properly and she kisses both Alex and Maggie on the cheek, Alex noticing Maggie’s smile at the motherly affection.

“Alex sweetheart I have some things I want to discuss with you after dinner,” and Alex’s face falls and Maggie runs a hand over the small of her back. Eliza notices.

“No, nothing like that. It’s a new journal article I’ve written and I want you to read it through. I want you to check it for me.” With that Alex is beaming and so is Maggie and Kara is bouncing on her heels because Eliza is learning to properly show Alex how much she admires her eldest daughter.

Alex tries to mask the glee on her face because this is her mom, her mom who has always pushed her to be better, who always made her think she wasn’t quite good enough, and she’s asking for Alex’s help.

“Sure mom, I’d be happy to,” and Eliza smiles softly.

“Oh Maggie darling before I forget,” Eliza turns suddenly and Maggie is standing there perplexed because what on earth has Alex’s mom forgotten to tell her, but then Eliza is holding, wait is that a stuffed teddy? Maggie thinks and she’s grinning and Alex is laughing because oh my God her mom really loves Maggie and Alex has never been so proud.

“I saw this in a store window on the way here, and I know it’s cliché but I think she’s cute, right?” Eliza hands the teddy over to Maggie and Maggie is laughing and her dimples are fully on display because this teddy is small with soft light brown fur and Eliza had called it a ‘she’ and she’s wearing a dark blue NCPD shirt.

“Eliza, she’s perfect,” and Alex is laughing in the background.

“Mom, you bought my girlfriend a teddy?” Alex is laughing and so is Kara because this is their mom, their often stoic, strict albeit loving mom, and she bought Alex’s first girlfriend a freaking teddy bear.

Eliza just nods. “I’d have bought you one too Alex, but they don’t exactly advertise the DEO. Plus Maggie should show off who she works for, she’s a fantastic detective and she should be reminded of that.”

Alex is smiling now because yeah, her mom adores Maggie as much as Kara does and almost as much as she does. She places an arm around Maggie, kissing her softly on the cheek and whispering into her ear. “Yeah, my mom totally loves you more than me and Kara,” and Maggie laughs as does Kara who of course was listening in.

“Thank you Eliza, she’s adorable,” and she ducks her head slightly because she’s not sure how to deal with this kind of motherly affection; her own mother having turned her back on her when she was still a child so all of this is still new, but Eliza knows, Eliza understands, so she softly pulls Maggie into a hug.

“Well you’re one of my girls now,” Eliza smiles out and Alex’s heart is bursting and so is Maggie’s and Maggie’s almost crying now because finally. Finally she has a family, a family who loves her for who she is and doesn’t hate her for who she’ll never be. A family who hugs her and understands her and will buy gifts for her just because they reminded them of Maggie. So she doesn’t know what to say, but her smile and her nod is enough and Eliza smiles at her newest daughter and Alex pulls Maggie into a soft kiss and Maggie kisses her back, trying to convey everything she’s feeling into it. Thank you Alex, thank you, thank you, thank you. Thank you for loving me and introducing me to your family who love me like as if I were their own. Thank you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Any more prompts? Feel free to send them to me on tumblr @sawyeralex  
> kthanksbyeeeeee


	7. With my girls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From this prompt:   
> you wrote about the teddy bear,i love it! the whole thing was perfect, thank you so much! in my head eliza is The biggest maggie enthusiast ever lol maybe you could write about them taking pictures together (kara, alex and maggie w/ eliza) and later maggie receives an notification and its eliza posting not only the ones with all of them but one with only her with a cute caption (maggies mom probably sees that and get jealous and she can choke looool)

“Hey girls, how about a picture?” Eliza calls as she wanders down to the beach where Kara and Maggie are watching Alex who’s just finished her early morning surfing session and is padding her way up the sand, Maggie staring at her girlfriend, her toned muscles rippling under her wetsuit, her short hair clinging to her face, falling in love, in love, in love. 

“Maggie, do you want to take a picture or do you want to stare at my eldest daughter a bit more?” Eliza teases and Maggie blushes as she grins, shrugging slightly.

“You made a good one there Eliza, you really did,” and Eliza laughs now, sitting down in the sand beside her newest daughter, her soon to be official newest daughter in law if Kara and herself have anything to do with it. 

“I know, I did didn’t it?” Eliza smiles, looking fondly at Alex.

“What are you all doing out here it’s early,” Alex states, greeting Maggie with a soft kiss before plonking herself down at her girlfriend’s side.

“Well I like watching you surf Danvers, and Kara here was apparently too excited to be home to sleep and your mom wants us all to take a photo,” Maggie explains and Alex groans, turning to Eliza who is holding her phone out in anticipation.

“Mom no I’m soaking wet,” Alex argues but Eliza is shaking her head.

“No Alexandra, you’ll keep putting this off and I want a picture of me with my girls,” and Alex groans again but she concedes because Eliza is calling them all  _her girls_. Maggie is part of the family now, Maggie is her family.

“Fine, make it quick,” Alex states grumpily and Maggie laughs, pressing a kiss to her cheek.

“Smile for me babe,” she whispers in Alex’s ear and Alex’s lips turn upwards of their own accord. 

“Wait! I’ll get the selfie stick so we can all get in it properly,” Kara shouts excitedly and with that she’s gone and come back before any of them can even really process what she’s said, and she’s brandishing the selfie stick and Alex is laughing because honestly this is ridiculous but it’s also perfect. So so  _perfect_ ; she’d not been this happy back home in Midvale since she was a teenager and she used to come out to the ocean with Jeremiah, watching the waves and reciting poetry alongside chemical reactions. 

“Right, which one of you is the best with these things?” Eliza asks and Kara makes a grabby hand gesture as she snatches the phone from Eliza and positions herself in the middle, Eliza to her left, Maggie to her right and Alex next to Maggie.

“Cheese,” Kara grins and Maggie smiles, as does Eliza and Alex is so caught up in this happiness that she can’t help the broad grin that spreads across her face.

Kara takes way too many photos until Eliza is wrestling the phone out of her hands and Maggie is chuckling at the way Kara is pouting, whispering in Alex’s ear how _the Danvers pout is a dangerous thing._ Alex blushes, interlacing her fingers with Maggie’s. Eliza smiles at her daughter, happy. Happy that Alex is happy, is in love and she can’t help herself; she snaps a few photos of Alex and Maggie together, the best one by far a shot mostly of Maggie, her dark hair flowing softly over her shoulders, the silhouette of Alex’s upper body tucked into her neck, the ghost of a smile playing across her lips. Eliza reminds herself to post the photos to the app Kara had told her about. Insta something…

“Come on girls, I’ve got coffee brewing,” Eliza states, standing up and Kara jumps up, as do Maggie and Alex, the promise of coffee stronger than their desire to laze in the sand all morning.

* * *

Later in the day Maggie’s lying on the sofa, curled into Alex’s side watching old Buffy episodes on Netflix, Kara and Eliza having gone out shopping, Alex and Maggie deciding to leave them to it; with Kara going shopping there wouldn’t be enough space in the car for all of them plus the food that Kara was going to demand.

Maggie’s phone pings and she sees it’s an Instagram notification from one elizadanversdr and Maggie laughs softly, opening the app to see a beautiful photo of the four of them, double tapping before showing Alex.

“Baby, look what your mom posted,” and Alex manoeuvres slightly so she can see Maggie’s phone, a smile growing.

“Cute isn’t it?” Maggie asks, placing a soft kiss to Alex’s neck.

Alex nods and Maggie knows, knows why Alex isn’t using her words. It’s cute, but it’s so much more, it’s love and it’s acceptance and it’s happiness. It’s her mom loving her for her, for all she’s achieved and for all that she is. It’s her mom loving her girlfriend enough to caption the photo ‘with my girls.’ So Alex nods, and Alex kisses Maggie. Because yes, it’s cute.

In that moment Maggie’s phone pings again and it’s another photo, but this time it’s of Maggie’s profile, the early rising sun glinting off the trace of Alex’s silhouette tucked into Maggie’s shoulder, the angle of the photo capturing the curve of Maggie’s lips and the crinkle of her eyes as she gazes adoringly at her girlfriend. The caption almost makes Maggie tear up and Alex is reading along with her and she’s kissing Maggie’s neck softly, whispering  _it’s true baby, it’s so true._

Because the caption is true.

_‘Maybe love isn’t measured in achievements or riches or fame, but in the moments we often overlook; the sunrises, the sunsets and the soft smiles reserved for the ones we hold dearest.’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed some more cute Eliza! Feel free to send me prompts over at @sawyeralex  
> All the feels!


	8. You getting soft on me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From this prompt from a wonderful anon:  
> Idk if you take prompts but like I sometimes feel like nobody should like me or want me. What if Alex was portrayed that way, for example she never accepts compliments and maybe when Maggie says she deserves the best she makes comments downing herself also like maybe when Maggie says that she loves her for the first time she's like how or smth. I understand if you don't take prompts, I hope you have a wonderful day :)

"Hey baby," Maggie greets as she unlocks the door and her girlfriend sitting on the couch in her apartment, looking up when she hears Maggie's key turning in the door, her heart still beating fast in excitement, in happiness that Maggie has a key to her apartment. Maggie basically lives with her and Alex can never really believe it; that someone would want to spend this much time around her apart from Kara, that someone would like her enough to want to spend the night, to want to curl into her body as they slept, to want to kiss her awake in the morning. To want to stay. So Alex's heart beats faster and she smiles.

"Hey you," Alex grins and Maggie plonks herself on the couch, manoeuvring so her head is in Alex's lap and Alex's hands come to play with her hair, Maggie sighing into the soothing touch. 

"Rough day?" Alex asks, and Maggie shrugs.

"Long day," Maggie sighs. "Mostly paperwork and empty leads. That’s the part of the job that frustrates me the most, empty leads," Maggie clarifies and Alex hums her agreement, encouraging her girlfriend to continue. "I just feel so useless when we come up with nothing, like I'm not doing my job well enough, and I know it's the nature of the job that not every crime will get solved and not every criminal will get their comeuppance, but still," Maggie rants and Alex smiles because her girlfriend is so damn good at her job, so damn passionate.

"I know babe," Alex agrees. "But it just shows how dedicated you are, that you care enough to get angry. And, you know what, I think you're a great cop," Alex grins and Maggie laughs.

"You getting soft on me?" Maggie retorts and Alex kisses her, the both of them smiling into the kiss, Alex's mind wandering to that night, her shy smile when she'd told Maggie she was a great cop, the way Maggie's head tilted, her eyebrows raising, her dimples, G _od those dimples_ , and the way she smiled, teasing, loving. And Alex's own reaction, how she'd felt the fire run through her own body, how she'd longed to touch Maggie, to kiss her right there and then, thankful that she could do that now, that she could kiss those dimples, making Maggie giggle and smile even more.

"Always," Alex replies and Maggie softens into Alex's lap but then Alex's stomach rumbles and she laughs.

"Guess we better have some dinner huh?" Maggie asks, making to rise from the couch, immediately missing the contact and Alex just nods along. 

"There's lasagna left over, I'll heat it up, just stay there," Alex explains, and Maggie acquiesces, clearly exhausted from her day, sighing as she lies flat on the couch. 

Alex mills about in the kitchen for a few minutes, grabbing two beers out of the fridge and bringing one over to Maggie, who's sitting up now and accepts the beer gratefully. Alex just smiles, pushing the sleeves of her oversized Stanford sweater up to her elbows, adjusting her glasses on her nose.

"God you're beautiful and so amazing. How are you so amazing and so intelligent and just wonderful," Maggie states simply, looking at Alex, at her girlfriend and how ridiculously gorgeous she looks in this moment, her hair slightly messy from running her hands through it like she does when she's working hard, which she has been all day at the lab, poring over samples and tests. 

"Oh God Maggie no I'm not, I'm just-me." Alex just shifts slightly in her socks and looks at the floor, her cheeks reddening slightly. 

She never knows what to say when Maggie compliments her like this, never knows how to respond. It's not like she doesn't understand compliments, she compliments Maggie enough after all.  _Your smile makes me smile baby, I love the way you look in my clothes, God you're stunning, you're just so stunning Maggie,_  but there's something about receiving compliments that feels so foreign to Alex. Maybe it's the lack of compliments she received after Jeremiah disappeared; the way he used to calmly encourage and compliment Alex in whatever she was doing, whether it was sports at school, finishing a book, or getting the best grades in class, and how that all ended when he went missing and instead there was shouting and there was Kara, Kara who was nothing but good and pure and loving, but who also meant endless pressure. Pressure from Eliza and the fear of not being good enough, and the reality of being told she wasn't good enough, wasn't protecting her sister well enough. So compliments became scarce and all through college and grad school the only compliments she ever received were from drunken hook ups. But even they weren't compliments rooted in love, but instead a compliment as a means to an end, a 'you look hot tonight, how about we go back to mine?' So Alex got used to it. Got used to never being told how amazing she was, how wonderful and strong and intelligent she was, so much so that when Maggie came along and reminded her of this she was dumbstruck, unsure of how to respond, unsure whether she should believe it. Because why would anyone want to compliment her? Why would anyone think she was wonderful when she knew she wasn't? When all she felt was worthlessness and doubt? When she looked in the mirror and she couldn't stand the person staring back at her? Because she was hard to love. She was closed off and angry and hard to love. She knew she was. She knew she had too many issues and why would someone like Maggie like her, want to be with her. Someone as good and kind and open, as accepting and beautiful as her girlfriend.  _Her girlfriend._

"Yeah, you are you," Maggie replies, standing up so she's next to Alex, placing her hand on the taller woman's shoulders. "You're you and you're amazing Alex Danvers. You're wonderful and strong and a fucking badass and really hot. But you're also so soft and so giving Alex. You're so  _good_ , and so smart. So ridiculously smart that I'm pretty sure you're the alien and not Kara. So please Alex baby, will you just believe me?"

Alex shakes her head softly, tears pricking her eyes, but Maggie lifts her chin slightly so she's looking into Alex's eyes.

"I'm just me," Alex repeats but Maggie is shaking her head.

"That's enough Alex. That's so much more than enough. You are just you but that you is amazing and I love-" Maggie breaks off and Alex's mouth is open slightly because she's about to say it and Alex's heart is hammering once again because she's been wanting to say those words, been feeling those three little words for weeks now. But she didn't want to move too quickly, didn't know how soon was too soon. Because how could she not love Maggie? Maggie, with her passion and her strength. Her unflinching ability to care for everyone, to fight for those less fortunate. But of course Alex didn't want to say those words, because what if Maggie never said them back? What if Maggie didn't feel them back? What if Alex was what she'd always feared? What if she was unloveable?

"Alex, Al please look at me," Maggie pleads and Alex realises she's been staring into space, her thoughts running a million miles a minute and she focuses in on those honey brown eyes she could drown in and she breathes. She breathes and she calms down and Maggie speaks.

"I love you," Maggie states and she's nodding. "I love you, so you just being you is the best thing you could ever be for me, do you get that Alex? I love you for everything you are. For your work ethic and your unflinching desire to protect your sister, your unflinching desire to protect me. For your beauty and your soul. I love every inch of you. Ok?"

Alex nods now and she's moving forward, leaning down slightly to capture Maggie's lips in her own and the kiss is soft but it's full of emotion, of all the fears and doubts Alex has ever had; they're escaping, lost in the feel of Maggie's lips against her, of her thumbs stroking softly against Maggie's cheeks and when she pulls back her own cheeks are wet with tears.

"I love you too Maggie," Alex whispers out. "God I'm so in love with you," and now Maggie is nodding and smiling and she kisses Alex again, resting their foreheads together.

"You getting soft on me?" Maggie teases out and Alex lets out a laugh.

"You said it first Sawyer. I think you’re the one getting soft on  _me_ ," and Maggie laughs now.

"Always for you Alex, always for you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed!  
> As always feel free to send prompts to me over on tumblr @sawyeralex


	9. To coming home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From this prompt:  
> are you taking prompts? maybe you could write something where alex picks maggie up from work and do things (anything, really) and ended up cuddling on that couch (first sanver scenes in 2x16)

"Hey babe," Alex greets as she walks into the precinct and heads to Maggie's desk, waving a greeting to Maggie's partner who grins in return.

"You ready to go?" Alex asks as Maggie rises from her desk, sighing as she cracks her back.

"Sexy," Alex mocks as she hears the bones crack and Maggie laughs.

"Sorry Danvers. Long day," Maggie explains, kissing Alex in greeting as Alex nods her agreement. "But yes, ready to get out of here."

"Later Johnson," Maggie waves at her partner. 

"You two have fun, I'll just be here, breaking all the station records," he replies, grinning even more.

"As much as I'd like to say I'm envious of that, I get to go home with my girlfriend whereas you get to go home to a cold box of Chinese takeout," and Johnson laughs heartily. 

"Swings and roundabouts hey Sawyer. See you tomorrow. Don't stay up too late," he winks and Maggie just shakes her head as she walks hand in hand with Alex out of the station.

"What do you fancy doing tonight?" Alex asks as they walk the short distance to Alex's apartment. "The bar?"

"Mmm," Maggie murmurs. "I just kind of want to fall asleep next to you on the couch."

"Sounds perfect to me. Do you want pizza?" Maggie shakes her head, mumbling something about having eaten a large lunch, but Alex knows Maggie will be hungry later so she makes sure Kara is available to grab some takeout from her, and now Maggie's favourite food truck in Chicago for later, just in case. Alex pulls Maggie closer, loosening their hands so she can put her arm around Maggie's shoulder and draw her in closer. Maggie rests her head on her girlfriend's shoulder, tiredness setting in as they make it to Alex's door.

"Grab some sweats, shower, whatever you want. I'll grab us a beer," Alex finishes with a kiss and Maggie smiles gratefully.

"And this is why I'm dating you Danvers," Maggie grins out and Alex laughs.

"Hmm Sawyer. And it's not for my intelligence and generally badassery. Or the way you say, and I quote, that 'fuck Alex, you look so hot just in my shirt and those glasses.'"

"Well, maybe they help too," Maggie calls out as she strips off, aware of Alex's eyes following her as she heads to Alex's closet, pulling out an old t shirt and some sweatpants, rolling them up slightly so they're not too long.

"Well, you look just as hot in my clothes," Alex states, pulling Maggie into her body, breathing in the way her girlfriend smells faintly of peppermint, coffee and the lingering smell of the station mixed with her coconut shampoo. Alex breathes in deeply, pressing a soft kiss to Maggie's forehead.

"Couch," Alex instructs as she feels Maggie eyelids flutter shut against her neck and Maggie nods, plopping herself down on the couch and Alex joins her, wordlessly handing her a beer.

They sit there in silence for a while, Maggie curled into Alex's side, moaning at the general inaccuracies of Rizzoli and Isles, the way Alex is threading her fingers through her hair soothing her, releasing all the tension that's been pent up all day. Because Maggie will never get tired of this, will never get tired of coming home to the woman she adores, to the woman she loves. Will never get tired of feeling loved and feeling safe, of feeling cared for like she never has before. Maggie yawns and Alex grabs the cushion from behind her back and straightens one leg out in front of her, curling the other one under. placing the cushion on her thigh and tapping it.

"Lie down Mags, close your eyes for a bit. I'll wake you up in a little while." Maggie looks up at her girlfriend and nods, rising up to place a soft kiss, not missing the soft sigh that Alex lets out at the gesture, and then lowers herself to Alex's lap, her right hand gripping on softly to Alex's leg and Alex's left arm coming round to rest against Maggie's waist, softly stroking, feeling the warmth of Maggie underneath her touch. Maggie's other arm comes to rest on the cushion and Alex moves her free hand to interlace her fingers with Maggie’s and Maggie smiles, rubbing soft circles into Alex's palm.

Alex leans back against the back of the couch, feeling both overwhelmed and at ease in the moment; she's always overwhelmed when she's around Maggie, when she realises that they're both in this together, that she loves Maggie and Maggie loves her, and they're  _together_. But then she also feels an overwhelming calm like she's never felt before. She feels happiness. She feels safe. She feels as if they world could throw a thousand boulders at her but with Maggie by her side she'd toss them aside as if they were only pebbles.

So, she leans back and she lets her eyes close and lets herself drift off into a light sleep, the soft sounds of Maggie's breath soothing her, the feel of Maggie's skin a tether to the here and now, to all that is good in her life, to a sense of calm and profoundness. To coming home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Find me on tumblr @sawyeralex


	10. One day at a time, one step at a time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From this lovely prompt: hello hello hello I VE BEEN READIN UR SANVERS STUFF AND OMG FRAAAAAAAACK IM SO DEAD HELP ME I LVOE IT SO MUCH CAN U WRITE A CONTINUATION OR THE SCENE FROM AFTER JEREMIAH BETRAYS ALEX I NEED I NEED I NEED I NEEEEEED MROE SANVERS THERE OMG PLEASE
> 
> I know this is a bit late but I just got super emotional and inspired to write it!

Alex is sitting at the kitchen counter, her hand shaking slightly as the raises the glass of bourbon to her lips, sighing deeply, willing herself not to cry.  _Not now, you're stronger than this, tears won't solve anything_  Alex repeats to herself. She hears a knock on the door and turns her head slightly, hoping it's not Kara because she loves her sister, but she can't. Not right now, she just can't.

"Yeah," she calls, tilting her head, not even bothering to get her gun because what's the point?

She knows it's Maggie before she even hears the soft 'hey' that escapes her girlfriend's lips and she sighs partly in relief, taking a large gulp of her drink.

"What's wrong?" Maggie questions because Maggie notices, notices the slump of Alex's shoulders, the dim lighting and the nearly empty bottle on the counter, but Alex can't meet her eyes, she just can't.

"How was your dad's first day?" Maggie asks softly and Alex's heart sinks and she downs the rest of her glass, refusing to look at her girlfriend because if she does she'll cry and she can't cry. She can't. Because she's Alex Danvers and Alex Danvers can't show weakness, because in her books weakness means failure and failure is what she's experienced tonight. Failure and heartbreak and fear because her dad, her  _dad_  had betrayed them all, had betrayed her. Her dad, who was the only person she'd ever felt safe with as a child because Eliza, yes she was her mom, but she was also overwhelming sometimes. But Jeremiah? Jeremiah was all soft words and encouragement, al smiles and pride when it came to his eldest daughter and Alex had never felt as special as she did with her dad. So that's why she was so ecstatic when he retuned. Only to have it all snatched away again and she feels the words she'd said to Maggie ring true in her ears.

_I feel like the universe is just magically smacking me down from being happy._

_I have always felt so responsible, like weight of the world responsible...so the few times I ever did anything for myself it ended badly._

Because she was happy, she was happy to have her dad back and the universe, Cadmus, snatched him away again and she felt the sadness creep into her bones again. The sadness and the worthlessness and the loneliness, she felt herself retreating in on herself. She has Maggie now though. Maggie. But she can't get the words out, she just can't because she does feel responsible for this, for Jeremiah coming back only to leave again; she wanted him back, selfishly back to be her dad again, to laugh with her and to meet her girlfriend, to be a family. But it ended badly. Everything always ends badly. 

So she doesn't say a word, but Maggie is there and Maggie is moving her leg off the stool in front of her. 

"That good huh?" But Alex can't answer, because it wasn't good, it wasn't a good day in the slightest and she knows she has to tell Maggie but she's too afraid to break. To break and show this wonderful, gorgeous woman just how broken she is inside. So she takes a deep shaky breath instead, and goes to pour herself another glass of bourbon, but then Maggie's hands are gripping hers, are gripping the bottle and she's stopping her.

"Woah woah woah woah, ok. Hold on, hold on," Maggie's voice enters Alex's consciousness and she breathes again, because Maggie is here, she's real and she cares.

"Hey, I'm here. Ok? You can tell me anything." Alex lets out a shaky breath and nods slightly because she knows she can trust Maggie, she knows she can tell her what's happened, how she feels, but she's not used to it. Not used to having someone who cares this much, who wants to know about all the broken pieces inside of her and who would probably spend the rest of their life trying to put them back together again. 

Alex nods again, more perceptibly this time and her bottom lip is trembling and the tears are threatening to spill out but she still can't look at Maggie.

"Hey, look at me," Maggie presses gently, and she uses her finger to softly tilt Alex's chin up so she can look into her eyes and Alex breaks down right there, right then, because she's looking into those golden brown eyes and she feels everything she's been trying to push down all come rushing back. Because Maggie's eyes are open and loving, Maggie's eyes are her home and her truth and her safe place. 

"What happened with your dad?" It's Maggie's expression-pure love and willingness to understand. No judgement, no evidence of fed up with Alex, just pure love. 

She takes a deep breath and she breaks and Maggie is standing up in a second, her hands coming to the back of Alex's head to pull her into her chest because this woman, this amazing, strong, powerful woman is feeling broken and Maggie just wants to take it all away. Wants to show Alex how much she cares, how worthy she is because she's falling head over heels in love and she's not going to let her go through this alone. So Maggie wraps her arms tightly around Alex's shoulders, her head tilting to rest her cheek on the top of Alex's head, Alex's arms circling her waist, clinging to her shirt for dear life because Maggie is here and Maggie cares. 

"Oh sweetie."

And Alex cries. She takes a few shaky breaths, a few tired sobs and then she breaks down again and her breathing becomes ragged and the tears start flowing. But it's ok because Maggie is there, Maggie is her anchor, keeping her grounded and keeping her from doing anything dangerous. Maggie rubs her hands soothingly up and down Alex's back and Alex buries her face into Maggie's chest. Maggie closes her eyes as she rocks Alex through her sobs, tears of her own threatening to spill because Alex doesn’t deserve this. Doesn’t deserve whatever had happened with her dad. 

They stand like that for a while and Alex sobs and Maggie lets her; whispering soothing words into her hair, placing soft kisses to her scalp. 

"Baby," Maggie presses and Alex nods to show her she's heard her.

"Come to the couch with me." Maggie gently eases Alex off the stool and Alex grips her tighter.

"I'm not going anywhere Al, I'm right here. I just want to move us to the couch, make sure you're comfortable. Ok?"

Alex doesn't say anything but she follows Maggie to the couch, curling into her lap as Maggie sits down, feeling safe in her embrace, Maggie's hands never leaving her body. Soothing her, calming her, not prying for details, knowing that Alex will tell her when she's ready.

"He left," Alex breathes into Maggie's stomach and Maggie shifts slightly, bringing Alex up her body slightly so she's leaning into her chest, wrapping her arm around Alex's shoulder, nodding to show Alex that she's here, she's listening.

"He left with Cadmus and he just-he just left Maggie. He betrayed us all and stole the alien registry. And I should have stopped him, but I couldn't. I couldn't bring him in, I couldn't shoot him Maggie, he's my dad," Alex sobs out, the tears falling again now, her voice hoarse and shaky.

"Oh babygirl, it's ok. Shhh, it's ok. No one blames you. I'm proud of you. You tried and you were strong and amazing. And you're not weak for letting him go, you're strong for even going after him in the first place. He'll always be your dad Alex and he'll always love you. Families sometimes do fucked up things for love, God knows we'd all risk hell and high water for those we care about," Maggie continues, pressing a kiss to Alex's cheek, hoping Alex realises that she is the one Maggie would risk it all for, and Alex takes a deep breath and manages a nod, because she knows.

"And I'm pretty sure Kara hates me because she was right about dad and I was wrong."

Maggie shakes her head. "Of course she doesn't. You're just both upset and hurt and angry at the moment and that's normal. You'll work it out I know you will. Sisters argue and hurt each other, but you're still sisters and you love each other. It might take a bit of time but she just cares about you Alex, she's worried about you. We all are."

Alex sits up further on the couch, tucking her legs underneath her body so she can properly see, properly look at Maggie.

"Thank you," she whispers out and Maggie's eyebrows raise.

"For what?"

"For being here. For not getting tired or annoyed. For listening and for helping."

"Of course Alex. I'm your girlfriend. I'm always gonna be here for you. Bad days and the good. And maybe there are gonna be more bad days in our line of work, but we'll get through them together. One day at a time, one step at a time."

"One step at a time," Alex repeats, smiling softly moving to kiss Maggie, sighing into her girlfriend’s lips.

"Stay?"

"Forever Danvers, forever."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Find me on tumblr @sawyeralex


	11. Without imperfection, neither you or I would exist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From this prompt:  
> I have a sanvers prompt if you're taking them, but if not you can just ignore this. So like along the lines of Alex's need to be perfect, tied with her need to not screw up again in her relationship with Maggie. That she thinks she messed up again when she really didn't or anything you feel with Alex not wanting to screw up again.

Alex had always felt the need to be something almost unreachable, something akin to perfection. Something no one could ever really achieve. Perfection, invulnerability, invincibility. She'd always tried to be something no one could really be. Emotionless, aloof. Happy. She'd always tried to be perfect; to be the perfect daughter, the perfect sister, the perfect student and the perfect agent. Maybe on the outside she'd achieved all of that and more. She was perfection if perfection could be recorded on paper and was set in stone. She always did what Eliza wanted of her. She always protected Kara, took her under her wing, loved her. She always got good grades, the best grades. Until she didn't. She always put her life on the line and fought tooth and nail for her country. But it wasn't enough. It was never enough and she was reminded time and again of how she'd messed up, how she wasn't perfect because she didn't protect Kara well enough, she didn't stop Kara from flying that night, she let Kara become Supergirl and go into danger every single day. She didn't work hard enough to get through med school, and she could never make anyone stay. Was never perfect for anyone to love.

But then Maggie came along and she made Alex laugh and she made Alex realise that you don't have to be perfect; love and life don't have to be perfect if you can find the perfect balance of imperfection with someone else. Maggie never told Alex she wasn't good enough, that she had to be perfect, that she was a screw up. Instead Maggie told Alex just how good she was, how strong and how worthy she was. How real she was and how she deserved to be treated and loved and appreciated. But it was hard for Alex to believe her, because when you've spent your whole life believing that perfection is the goal and anything else is failure, it's hard to let go of the restraints and the bonds that claw at your mind and your soul, telling you, shouting at you to be better. To work harder, to not screw up because one small mistake could change anything. One more screw up could send Maggie running and Maggie was the one person in her life who just let her be her. Who never expected too much and never pushed, never pried. Maggie was the only perfect thing Alex realised she ever needed.

So Alex runs sometimes and she hides. Sometimes behind a bottle of bourbon, sometimes in the DEO training room with an unsuspecting agent getting their ass kicked. Sometimes on the sofa, sometimes silently crying, sometimes letting out wracked sobs that shake her whole body. And Maggie always comes, always finds her and either gently pries the bottle out of her hand, replacing it with a glass of water and a piece of toast, or gathering her into her arms and holding her, stroking her hair, whispering soft words into her ear as she strokes her hair, breathing deeply to help Alex even out her breaths.

Every time Maggie finds her like this she wants to shout and scream at the world, at the people, at the hurt that made Alex feel like this. At the world that made Alex feel like she had to be perfect and be someone she wasn't just to please others. At the people who didn't appreciate Alex for the wonderful strong, intelligent woman that she was. At the hurt that made it so hard for Alex to believe that she was worthy. But she stayed silent for the most part, sometimes gently coaxing answers out of her girlfriend, sometimes only receiving more tears. And every time it was Alex worrying she'd screwed up again, that Maggie would leave because Alex was sure that she'd already done, or would do something that would make Maggie leave.

And Maggie would never get tired of reassuring her, of holding her closer.  _I'm not going anywhere, Danvers. You're amazing and you're worthy and you're beautiful and nothing you do could make me run away. I plan on staying around for the long haul, because I love you, Danvers. And if you need me to tell you that every single day, then I will tell you every single day because you deserve to hear it and you deserve to believe it._

Alex nodded and Alex took a deep breath every time she heard Maggie's soft, patient reassurances and she reminded herself to breathe, breathe, breathe.  _You're ok, Maggie's ok, and she's not going anywhere_ , and little by little, day by day she was getting there. Some days the weight of perfection would feel a little lighter and the small mistakes would fade into the background like pebbles lost in a sandy beach and Alex would smile and Alex would kiss her girlfriend and Alex would remind herself of the framed quote that Maggie had bought her one rainy Sunday afternoon, hanging on the wall opposite her couch. 

_Without imperfection, neither you or I would exist._

And she would be ok. Maybe she’d always be imperfect, maybe she’d always make mistakes, but with Maggie she’d realised she didn’t need to be perfection because she had love and she felt love and that was enough. That was more than enough, that was better than perfection.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! I'm a mess and so is my life but we have Sanvers to there's that!  
> Find me on tumblr @sawyeralex


	12. Thanks babe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From this cute lil prompt:  
> Could you write a thing about Alex and Maggie using pet names like 'babe' for the first time?

Alex lies on her couch, stretching and grunting slightly at how full she is after devouring nearly two pizzas and a few beers with Maggie, wrapped up in each other’s arms, watching some ’ _nerdy crap that I’m only watching because your face gets all cute and excited when the sciencey stuff comes on Danvers’_  in Maggie’s words. Alex sighs in contentment, grabbing a blanket from the armchair for something to keep them warm; even though it was spring time and the days were getting longer and the sun brighter, there was still a slight chill in the evenings.

Alex hears her girlfriend rummaging around in the kitchen.

“Mags what are you doing? Come back here I miss you,” Alex whines out and Maggie laughs. 

“I miss you too Danvers but I’m currently trying to locate some soap, you’ve run out in the bathroom.”

“Cupboard under the sink with the other cleaning stuff,” Alex calls back, not even bothering to look up as she hears her girlfriend let out a small shout of satisfaction as she finds it.

“I’ll just sort out your apartment for you, don’t worry Danvers,” Maggie teases and Alex laughs.

“Thanks babe,” she replies and then freezes because  _shit she’s said babe She’s done it now. It had rolled off her tongue so easily and she hadn’t even thought about it but now she can’t hear Maggie’s reply and oh god she’s fucked it now. Babe? Babe, god that was lame. Do people even say babe anymore? Oh God what if Maggie hates that pet name, she’s clearly too cool for babe. Alex what have you done?_ Alex’s internal monologue rages in her brain as she panics and feels her heart rate speed up, and not in the good, butterfly inducing way it usually does when Maggie is involved.

“Alex…” Maggie trails off, standing in front of her girlfriend with a bemused look on her face, and Alex hadn’t even noticed that Maggie had come back to the couch. "Are you ok?“

“Err. Yeah. Totally fine.” Alex shifts her body slightly so she’s sitting upright and she clears her throat.

“You sure?” Alex nods and Maggie just raises her eyebrows.

“If you say so…babe,” Maggie smirks and Alex groans.

“Oh God Maggie I’m sorry it just kind of slipped out. I dunno why, I guess it’s kind of lame and you probably don’t like pet names do you? I mean you always call me Danvers and Al and I love that and yeah, I just said babe. But I won’t again because it’s dumb right and-”

“Alex. Please breathe,” Maggie laughs out softly and Alex takes a deep breath, chuckling slightly but Maggie sees the panic in her eyes and kisses her softly.

“Relax baby, I loved it. It sounds so good and perfect coming from your lips. Please don’t ever stop calling me that.” 

Alex smiles into the kiss and hums softly. “Baby?” She asks softly and Maggie nods. 

“If that’s ok?”

“That’s more than ok Sawyer. I think I could really get used to this. You, me, us being disgustingly cute together and having pet names,”

“Me too babygirl me too,” and Alex smiles and her heart races because  _god she’s falling in love with this woman._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! I'M SO EXCITED FOR TONIGHT'S EPISODE THAT SNEAK PEEK HELP ME.  
> FEEL FREE TO COME AND CRY OVER SANVERS WITH ME @sawyeralex


	13. See something you like?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From this lovely prompt:   
> Could you write a passionate kiss into this episode like idc what scene it just was something they completely dropped and you're an amazing writer.
> 
> Also, I got a bit carried away and wrote some smut LOL. It's not my first time writing smut, but first time writing it for Sanvers so...

Of course Alex had gone to confront Emily, to talk to Emily, because Alex was Alex and Alex protects the people she loved. But Maggie knew, knew she didn’t deserve Alex’s love and care and wholehearted sacrifice because Maggie had cheated and Maggie knew she was a bad person, and now Alex did too.

* * *

 

Maggie takes a few deep breaths as she sits down on Alex’s couch, wondering if it’d be the last time she’d let herself into her girlfriend’s apartment, the last  time she’d get to call Alex her girlfriend because she’d messed up, she’d cheated. Sure it was years and years ago but Alex was good and Alex was amazing and she didn’t deserve such a screw up.

Alex walks over to Maggie, holding the two glasses of bourbon, a steely look on her face, but her heart breaking for the woman in front of her. She wasn’t mad, she was just upset. Hurt. That Maggie thinks she has to keep these things from Alex, that she doesn’t think that she deserves to be forgiven for mistakes she’s made, for the times she’s been hurt and hurt others in her past and Alex just wants to tell her. That’s it’s ok, _it’s all ok_.

Alex sits next to her girlfriend slowly, steeling herself for the words to come because she knows they’re going to bring up some bad memories for Maggie, but she needs to say them because she needs Maggie to know that she’s here and she’s not going anywhere, she’s never going anywhere again. Because, sure, Maggie had made some mistakes, Maggie had cheated, but everyone makes mistakes. Alex had made enough in her past to keep her inner demons howling at her. But Maggie? Maggie was the light in Alex’s darkness, the will to get out of bed in the morning, and the joy in rainy days. She was the one person she could truly breathe around, could truly let in and not push away. She was the one, the only one. So she needed Maggie to know that come hell or high water she wasn’t going anywhere.

* * *

“I’ve thought a lot about this. You have a pattern of keeping things to yourself,” Alex starts, her face full of emotion and she nearly breaks at the look on her girlfriend’s face because she can see the tears waiting to fall and she just wants to wrap her up in her arms, but she keeps going because she needs to finish. 

“You hid the truth about Emily-you made her seem like the bad guy, and then before that you didn’t tell me what really happened when you came out to your parents and how badly they reacted. You don’t like to talk about you.”

Maggie nods because she’s right, _god_ Alex is right and she loves this woman with everything she has. 

“I know,” and Maggie knows she’s closed off and that she hides her feelings because her feelings are too much, they’re too overwhelming and she wonders if Alex will run. But, in this moment, it doesn’t seem like it because Alex is here and she’s staying and she’s talking. She’s talking and she’s not shouting. So Maggie nods again and blinks back tears.

“So I think that when your parents didn’t accept you,” Alex continues, breathing, breathing, breathing because _god_ Maggie shouldn’t have to feel this way, “you stopped trusting people that are closest to you, and I totally get that. But Maggie? You don’t have to be guarded with me ok?” Alex looks up into her girlfriend’s watery eyes and nods and Maggie smiles softly.

“I’m not here to judge you for things that happened in the past. I’m here to help you heal,” Alex breathes out, her hand coming to rest on the soft skin of Maggie’s cheek, feeling the way Maggie relaxes into her touch, her eyes closing, years of anger and heartbreak and loneliness, of thinking she’s not good enough, not worthy enough of love, flash across Maggie’s eyes and she breaks.

“You don’t think I’m a bad person?” She whispers out and Alex’s heart breaks because no. Maggie, Maggie is the best person she has ever known; she’s tough but she’s so soft and loving. She fights for those she loves without a second thought and she puts her life on the line for everyone in National City, good or bad, and Alex knows. Knows how she loves like the earth is spinning too fast and she can’t hold on. But she also knows that’s she’s guarded and careful because love is hard and love sometimes isn’t worth it all, but this time, Alex thinks, no, Alex knows, love is worth it all.

“No. Actually I always thought that you were perfect but it’s really nice to see that you have problems too,” Alex smiles out and pulls Maggie into a hug, whispering _perfect, you’re perfect baby_ into her ear and she rests her cheek against Maggie’s hair, feeling Maggie tense slightly and then relax into Alex, her face burrowing into her neck.

“Thank you,” she whispers out and Alex kisses the side of her head.

“Always Maggie, always.” Alex pulls back as she tucks a stray hair behind Maggie’s ear and all she can think as she stares into her eyes is how much she would sacrifice for this woman. How far she would go for her, if the distance of her love could be measured.

“God you’re amazing Danvers, so amazing,” Maggie whispers and Alex hums her agreement, eliciting a laugh from Maggie.

Alex leans forward to press a soft kiss to her girlfriend’s lips and Maggie smiles into Alex’s lips and sighs because Alex’s lips are her favourite thing. Alex is her favourite thing. Alex’s soft touches at twilight and Alex when she’s rough, lifting her up onto the kitchen counter and taking her, quickly, swiftly, clothes half off, her hand down her jeans and Maggie feels her breath hitch and she deepens the kiss because she needs more. Always more.

Alex hums, this time in contentment and arousal and she pulls Maggie closer, grabbing the lapel of her leather jacket, before moving her hands to tangle in Maggie’s hair, Maggie’s hands coming to rest on Alex’s sides, clutching at the material there. Maggie parts her lips and Alex wastes no time in bringing their tongues together, quickly, tasting Maggie, wanting to taste more of Maggie and Maggie gasps slightly as Alex bites on her bottom lip.

“Danvers,” Maggie growls out, resting their foreheads together.

“Yeah Sawyer?” Alex keeps her eyes closed, her breathing heavy.

“You know the things you do to me when you kiss me like that.”

“Like what?” Alex feigns nonchalance as she gently rids Maggie of her jacket, pushing her back onto the couch as she hovers above her, trailing kisses down Maggie’s neck to her collarbone, biting down before soothing the spot with her tongue.

“L-like that,” Maggie gasps out and Alex hums because Maggie’s hands are in her hair and they’re dragging her back up to her mouth because she needs Alex now, she needs Alex everywhere, she needs to feel her and taste her and remind her.

“I need you Al,”

“You do huh?” Alex teases as she kisses Maggie once more before leaning back slightly, Maggie whining at the loss of contact, Alex smirking because _god_ she’ll never get tired of the effect she has on her badass detective girlfriend. Her cocky girlfriend that she can reduce to stammering with the flick of her tongue and a twist of her fingers.

Maggie just nods and she sits up slightly, deciding to play Alex at her own game.

She nods. “I know you need me too, I know how wet you get for me,” Maggie whispers out as she pushes Alex back slightly so she’s in a sitting position and Maggie straddles her girlfriend.

“I know how you like it when I moan your name, and I know how you like it when I’m on top, like this,” Maggie demonstrates, moving her hands to rid Alex of her loose cardigan and tank top, her breath hitching when she sees the way Alex’s plain black bra accentuates the curves of her breast and Maggie just wants to feel her tongue around her nipple, feel it hardening as she bites softly, hearing Alex groan and slowly moving lower to taste her girlfriend. But Alex’s hands are on her ass now and she’s lifting them both and she’s carrying Maggie to the counter, the counter they’ve fucked on so many times that Maggie’s lost count.

“Couch too comfortable for you Danvers?” Maggie teases and Alex just raises her eyebrows, reaching behind her back to unhook her bra, Maggie’s eyes dropping to her chest because _oh wow_ Alex is stunning and Alex is hers. Maggie spreads her legs and Alex steps in between them.

“I like you like this,” Alex motions to Maggie’s spread legs. “Spread for me,” and Maggie gulps because Alex is so god damn good at this.

“Now, you’re wearing too many clothes,” Alex continues, her hands finding the base of Maggie’s t shirt, Maggie lifting her arms, nodding as Alex asks for permission, and Alex sighs because Maggie’s body is heaven. Her soft, toned skin. The way goosebumps erupt when Alex trails her tongue down from between her breasts.

Maggie reaches down to unzip her jeans, Alex doing the same because she needs to feel Maggie against her now, she needs to feel skin on skin to make sure that she was here, they were here, now, together. Alex helps Maggie peel the jeans off as she steps out of her own, moving back slightly to admire Maggie, the navy blue of her bra and matching thong making her lick her lips.

Maggie smirks. “See something you like?”

Alex just laughs as she steps forward. “Very much so.”

Alex steps in between Maggie’s legs again and Maggie’s hands find Alex’s ass, pulling her in tighter against her, her fingers slipping under Alex’s boy shorts, squeezing her ass, feeling Alex groan into the contact of Maggie’s wet centre against her.

“Bed. Now.” Maggie grunts out and Alex nods as Maggie wraps her legs tighter around her and Alex carries them to the bed, placing Maggie carefully down onto it, checking, checking that this is what Maggie wants and Maggie nods because she’s so wet right now and she needs Alex. She needs her mouth and she needs all of her now.

“These, off,” Maggie gestures as her hands once again find Alex’s ass and Alex nods, pulling her boy shorts off before coming to lie against Maggie, skin against skin and they both sigh and moan because this is the most perfect feeling. Alex traces kisses down Maggie’s collarbone to her breasts, taking one nipple into her mouth, biting softly and soothing with soft blows of air and Maggie’s back arches as Alex moves to the other one, lavishing the same attention and Maggie is gasping now.

“Please Al.”

Alex places a soft kiss to Maggie’s lips before scraping her fingernails down Maggie’s side, her tongue coming to Maggie’s hip bones, fingers moving lower until Maggie’s hips arch up and Alex moves her fingers through Maggie’s folds.

“God you’re so wet for me Maggie,” Alex groans out, rubbing her own thighs together to try and gain some friction of her own.

“A-always,” Maggie moans out as Alex’s fingers dip lower, one slowly sliding into Maggie, her hips arching to take her all the way in. Alex pulls out, only to add another finger, catching Maggie’s gasp with her own mouth, the kiss hot and messy.

Alex moves in time with Maggie’s thrusts, her tongue moving to her breasts once again, sucking as she pulls out and adds a third finger, Maggie’s scream of pleasure filling the room and Alex hums in appreictauon of Maggie, of the feeling of Maggie, hot and tight around her fingers.

“Faster Al, faster,” and Alex complies, her fingers thrusting in and out and as she feels Maggie getting tighter she curls her fingers and Maggie is coming apart, screaming her name over and over, her hips thrashing and Alex moves her mouth up to Maggie’s neck, Maggie’s lips, helping her come down from her high.

Maggie’s breath evens out and she sighs as Alex removes her fingers.

“Woah,” Maggie breathes and Alex laughs.

“I’d say an orgasm like that deserves a proper thank you,” and Alex laughs again but she nods and Maggie smirks and she shifts her leg to feels Alex’s wetness against her thigh.

“Did that make you wet? Feeling me cum around your fingers? Hearing me scream your name?” Alex groans in response and Maggie flips them and leans on her forearms so she’s hovering above Alex.

“Tell  me what you want babygirl.” Alex groans and she struggles to keep her eyes from fluttering closed because all she can feel is Maggie, Maggie hot and soft against her.

“You. Your tongue against my clit,” Alex breathes out. “Now,” and Maggie groans.

“God Al, good girl. You’re so good at telling me what you want, so good,” and Alex smiles and Maggie kisses her, tongues battling before she pulls back and gently tugs at Alex’s nipples as her tongue moves lower, letting out a long moan as she licks Alex, tasting her wetness and she moans, the vibrations causing Alex to arch her hips.

Maggie’s hands come to rest on Alex’s hips to keep her in place and Alex’s hands tangle in Maggie’s hair as Maggie explores her folds, licking up to her clit, swirling her tongue around a few times until Alex is panting her name.

“I-inside me,” Alex gasps and Maggie moves lower, thrusting her tongue into her girlfriend.

“Maggie, more, I need more. You, fingers,” Alex breathes out heavily, her head thrown back against the pillows, and Maggie gulps because _fuck_ Alex is hot, _fuck_ Alex is moaning against her mouth and _fuck_ she’s perfect.

Maggie moves her tongue back up to Alex’s clit and Alex keens at the loss of contact but then Maggie is thrusting two fingers into Alex and she feels Alex’s walls clamp around her and she licks around Alex’s clit not wanting this to be over too soon, but she feels Alex on the edge, gasping, chanting out Maggie’s name and Maggie shifts slightly to get a better angle and she thrusts her fingers in deeper, curling them slightly, keeping them there as she licks Alex’s clit, sucking in gently into her mouth and Alex cums. Hard, her hips jerking off the bed, echoing Maggie’s name.

Maggie guides Alex down from her high, kissing her thighs before moving up to kiss Alex, Alex sighing as she tastes herself on Maggie’s lips.

“Woah indeed,” Alex breathes and Maggie chuckles.

“Yeah Danvers, woah,” Maggie smiles out and Alex pulls her girlfriend into her, kissing her softly, Maggie gently tracing patterns onto Alex’s stomach and Alex no longer has to ask, she knows. Knows that Maggie is staying. Staying the night, staying with Alex, here, now, and forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO THAT HAPPENED WOOPS. Also 2x17 was perfect Sanvers wise, can you believe how stupidly in love they are I hate them omg.   
> Anyways, come find me @sawyeralex on tumblr :)


	14. Enough for now, enough for always

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From this amazing prompt:   
> Hey, do you think you could write about alex being the cuddler she is? The first night they spend together she asks shyly "can we do something... different, can you turn around?" And maggie's like "on your first night danvers? You're wild" "shut up, I wanna spoon you"

Maggie was here and Maggie had kissed her because _life is too short and we should be who we are, and we should kiss the girls we want to kiss_  and Alex had taken a moment to adjust, to realise, that _the girls_ meant her. But then Maggie had kissed her and Alex’s body had somehow relaxed and come alive all at once; every nerve ending on fire from the touch of Maggie’s lips against her own, her heart beating fast, but finally feeling like she had a home. And her home was here, with Maggie, soft lights and the taste of peppermint and whisky.

* * *

 

Maggie’s lips brush softly against Alex’s bottom lip and Alex just stands there, letting Maggie kiss her because she can’t believe that this is happening, that Maggie wants her, that Maggie is kissing her, that Maggie wants to be more than friends.

“So you’re saying you like me? ‘That’s what I got.” And _oh god_ Maggie is laughing and her dimples are showing and it’s all Alex can do to keep her heart rate in check.

“Of course, you’re not gonna go all crazy on me are you?” Maggie is smiling out and Alex is chuckling and holding her hands against her chest because _god_ she wants to touch Maggie.

“Probably,” and Maggie laughs and Alex knows that it’s her new favourite sound, her only favourite sound.

She can’t resist the way Maggie tilts her head and smiles some more and she leans forward, gently brushing Maggie’s hair behind her ears before kissing her, kissing her, _god she’s kissing Maggie_. Her hands come to rest on the soft skin of Maggie’s cheeks and Maggie cups her elbows, a sigh escaping her mouth as she pulls Alex closer, hands coming round to rest on the small of Alex’s back, bodies close and breaths quick. Alex breaks the kiss briefly and Maggie lets out a small whine of protest but then Alex is biting Maggie’s bottom lip and _holy shi_ t Maggie thinks, this woman can kiss, and she surges forward, reconecting their lips and deepening the kiss, making Alex hum in contentment and moan in arousal.

Reluctantly they pull back to catch their breath, Alex’s hands moving down to find Maggie’s, interlacing their fingers.

“Woah Danvers,” Maggie breathes out, pressing one last peck to Alex’s lips, feeling Alex smile and nod.

“Couch?” Maggie suggests, knowing it’s late but she’s not ready to leave Alex yet, to stop kissing and touching her and Alex agrees, grabbing their beers.

They settle on the couch, Maggie’s head resting on Alex’s chest but whatever they’re watching is nowhere near as interesting as the feel of each other’s bodies, because Alex’s hand is tracing circles onto Maggie’s arm and Maggie’s hands are dancing up Alex’s thigh and then Maggie is moving and she’s straddling Alex.

“Is this ok Al?” Alex breathes in sharply at the nickname, at the intimacy of it, at how right it feels.

“Yeah, it’s good-I’m good.” Maggie nods and she kisses her softly, but Alex deepens their kiss once more, her hands finding Maggie’s lower back, fingers tracing the warm skin of Maggie’s lower back, Maggie’s hands tangling in Alex’s hair, tongues battling for dominance, both of them knowing where this is going.

“Mags, I-” Alex starts and Maggie is pulling back, nodding.

“Sorry Alex. Slow-slower, yeah-” Maggie almost grunts out and Alex nods because _woah_ _yeah_ they both want this, but they need to take things slow, need to do this properly.

“No no don’t apologise. I just don’t want to mess up, with this-with you.”

“You could never Alex. Never,” and Alex nods and Alex believes her.

“It’s getting late,” Maggie sighs and Alex realises she doesn’t want Maggie to go.

“Stay?” Alex asks timidly, finding a spot on her pyjama pants suddenly fascinating but she misses the way Maggie’s face lights up.

“I’d love to." 

"I have some pyjamas you can borrow, or some t shirts at least,” Alex shrugs and Maggie chuckles.

“Only if they’re as cute as these,” Maggie teases and Alex sticks her tongue out.

Alex heads to her dresser and picks out an old Stanford t shirt and some shorts for Maggie and Maggie heads to the bathroom to change, Alex checking the doors and windows, because she’s a DEO agent and you can never be too careful. By the time she’s done Maggie is standing shyly by her bed and Alex forgets every word she’s ever learnt, English and Kryptonian because Maggie is standing there and her shirt is too long and it’s hanging off her shoulder slightly and Alex just wants to kiss the exposed skin, run her tongue over her collarbone…

“You ok Danvers?” Alex splutters out a response that is something along the lines of _yeahfineyoulookgoodinmyclothe_ s and Maggie just grins.

“Side of the bed?”

Alex rubs the back of her neck nervously. “I’ve never really had one. I’ve never really slept in a bed with someone, just sleeping,” Alex confesses nervously and all she sees in Maggie’s eyes is understanding and acceptance.

“Well I sleep on the left if that’s ok?” Alex nods because _god_ this is more than ok.

Maggie climbs into bed and holds the covers for Alex who slips in next to her and Maggie’s face is illuminated perfectly by the soft light of the bedside lamp and she brings her fingers to trace the lines of Maggie’s jaw.

“You’re so beautiful,” she whispers and Maggie doesn’t say anything because she doesn’t know how to respond, because it’s Alex that’s beautiful and strong and amazing and Maggie? Maggie doesn’t know how to accept compliments too well so she just kisses Alex and Alex understands, Alex somehow knows, pressing a soft kiss to Maggie’s cheek as they break apart and Maggie smiles into it.

“Shall I turn the light off? I-uh are you tired?” Alex asks and Maggie tilts her head and smirks slightly because how can this badass DEO agent be so cute and so shy, so adorably nervous at the same time? 

Maggie knows she’s falling hard.

“Sure,” she smiles out and Alex nods as she turns to switch the light off and suddenly it’s dark and it’s quiet and she can see the soft outline of Maggie’s body beside hers, her face on the pillow facing Alex. This is it. This is perfection. This is happiness, but Alex needs to feel Maggie, needs to hold her.

“Erm Maggie?”

“Mmm Danvers?”

“Can we do something… different, can you turn around?”

Maggie lets out a laugh at that. “On your first night Danvers? You’re wild”

Alex just scoffs at Maggie’s words.

“Shut up Sawyer I wanna spoon you,” Alex punctuates with kiss and Maggie smiles into it.

“I’d like nothing more Al,” and Maggie turns and Alex shifts her body behind Maggie, her front fitting perfectly into Maggie’s back, her arm coming to rest on the soft skin of Maggie’s stomach, gently tracing the skin there and Maggie sighs as Alex presses a kiss to her neck.

“I could get used to this,” Maggie whispers out, her words quiet but truthful.

“Me too Maggie, me too.”

With that Maggie closes her eyes and she breathes and she reminds herself that this is real, that Alex is real and she kissed her back and all the anxiety, all the worry and overthinking starts to drain away as she feels Alex’s breath on her neck, her steady heartbeat and she tries to lets her mind calm and the feel of Alex, soft and strong against her lull her into a deep sleep, because she knows that she’s going to wake up in the morning, and Alex is still going to be there. Then, as if Alex has read her mind, although Maggie wouldn’t be surprised if Alex could actually do that, Alex whispers into her ear.

“You can sleep Maggie, I’m not going anywhere,” and Maggie nods, tears threatening to spill because no one has ever wanted to hold her like this before. But Alex does and Alex is here and Alex will hold her until she calms down and till she falls asleep. And Maggie feels safe.

“You promise?” Maggie lets out, suddenly shy.

“Promise,” Alex replies and she holds Maggie a little closer, feeling her breathing even out slightly. Alex vows to fall asleep as often as she can like this, Maggie’s body pressed against hers, the taste of Maggie’s lips lingering against her own, the promise of morning sun and those same lips to kiss her awake to come. And she realises it’s enough. Enough for now, enough for always.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Writing fluffy Sanvers makes me forget I have crippling anxiety and depression so that's a bonus. Anyways, find me on tumblr @sawyeralex


	15. Now, forever and always

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by these two lovely prompts:
> 
> Hi, I really like your writing and I have this prompt: maggie realizes that everytime she moves alex wakes up and mumbles something random until one night she hears "i love you" and she says it back and alex hears it but they don't know that the other is aware of what happened so in the morning they are trying to discover if the other remembers what happened
> 
> Loving your fics. Any chance of a Alex and Maggie saying I love yous for first time.

Maggie stares at the ceiling, the feel of her girlfriend's body, her warmth and her presence, steady and solid beside her the only thing keeping her from running, keeping her from crying and breaking down. It had been a bad day, a bad week in general; one of her colleagues, an up and coming officer who Maggie had taken under her wing, had been shot and so had Maggie nearly, recklessly running into the abandoned warehouse after him, ignoring the shouts of her fellow officers, but she didn't get there in time, didn't get there in time to save his life and Maggie had shouted and Maggie had screamed and everyone had told her it wasn't her fault and she knew deep down that it wasn't. It was supposed to be a routine operation, she wasn't even worried because it was just a routine wire tap, but it had gone badly wrong. Someone had tipped off the gang she was surveilling and they'd turned on Tim, demanding he ripped off the wire, but he'd denied he was wearing one and they'd shot him there and then. Maggie could still hear his screams, could still feel her heart breaking as she'd ran till her lungs burnt to try and get to the top floor of that warehouse from the van outside, but she wasn't fast enough, none of them were fast enough.

She knew, knew this was the nature of her job, of her and Alex's job. It was dangerous, it was life threatening every single day and her heart rate was never at a safe level when Alex went on a mission, or decided to launch herself into space, but it never got any easier. _This_ never got any easier. And Alex understood, Alex did because Alex had been there too many times with agents and Alex had cried her pain into a bottle of bourbon too many nights until Maggie came along.

So Alex didn't try to make Maggie talk, didn’t try to convince Magie it wasn't her fault because she knew Maggie _knew_ she wasn't responsible, but she knew Maggie would feel so anyway because she herself felt responsible every singe time one of her agents got shot or hurt, or a mission didn't go to plan, because that was what good agents, good detectives did. So she just held Maggie close as she sobbed into her arms, rubbing her back, kissing her gently on the forehead, whipsering to her that she's here, she's not going anywhere, she's here for Maggie. To help Maggie. And Maggie had nodded and Maggie had held Alex closer, had grabbed onto her for dear life, because life was fragile and life was short and _god_ she wanted Alex to know so much that she couldn't find the words to say.

But that was then, and this was now and Maggie's head is pounding and her stomach is sick with anxiety and Alex had fallen asleep hours ago wrapped around Maggie and Maggie knows Alex would want her to wake her because she can't sleep, but Alex is soft and Alex is innocent and peaceful when she sleeps and those moments are too rare when Alex is awake and Maggie doesn't want to deprive Alex of them when she's asleep. So she lies awake but turns slightly so she's nestled back against Alex's front and Alex sleepily shifts her body, intertwining their legs and slinging an arm around Maggie's side, Maggie sighing when Alex's hand graces her stomach.

Alex is mumbling in her sleep and she doesn't know if she's awake or not, but Alex is whispering _stay, it's ok Maggie, stay. I'm here_ and Maggie smiles despite herself.

"I'm not going anywhere Danvers," Maggie smiles and she feels Alex smile in return rather than see her, knows from the way Alex's hand moves up towards her breast.

"Good 'cause I love you," Alex mumbles and Maggie freezes because Alex has just said the words Maggie had been dying to say for weeks, but Alex isn't awake, Alex isn't aware because she can feel her girlfriend's even breath on the back of her neck that means she's asleep and Maggie doesn't know what to do because those three words are everything Maggie has ever wanted to hear from Alex, but they also frighten her as much as Alex leaving her, because love means complete and utter surrender and Maggie doesn't know how to do that.

So she doesn't, but she doesn't run either. She stays and she closes her eyes and she wills herself to sleep, eventually falling into a fretful, anxiety induced sleep and when she wakes when she hears Alex return from her run she groans because Alex said I love you, but Alex was asleep.

"Hey baby," Alex greets, sitting down on the bed and leaning over to kiss Maggie good morning.

"Hey," Maggie smiles out but Alex knows that Maggie's smile is forced because Alex would know Maggie's real smile anywhere, the way her dimples crease slightly and her head tilts, her eyes sparkle. And this smile? This is not that smile.

"It's ok to still not be ok Maggie."

Maggie just nods, her eyes glistening and she feels the crack in her voice.

"Life is short Alex and he was young and I should have been there and-" Maggie starts out but she's sobbing and she can't continue and Alex is gathering Maggie into her arms and she's holding her, soothing her and Maggie lets her, because Maggie's learning what love is, what real, true love is.

"I know Maggie, just-It's ok, just let it out. Cry, scream, but don't blame yourself forever, please don't."

"Alex I-"

Alex nods, encouraging her girlfriend to speak.

"It could have been me Al, it could be me any day, it could be Kara or Winn, James, or you. God it could be you and I can't stop everything. I can't protect you all. You know when I was a kid I used to think I could be brave, be strong enough to protect everyone I loved? Even though there weren't many people I loved back then," Maggie trails off, breathing deeply.

"But there are so many people I love now and I can't protect them all, I just can't and it's killing me because god Alex I can't lose you. I just  _can't_."

"Oh Maggie, oh baby you won't. I'm here ok and I'm not going anywhere. I-" Alex sighs, running a hand through her hair.

"Last night you were asleep and you said something and I know you probably don't remember but it got me thinking that life is too short and we should just-" Maggie breaks off, shifting slightly so she's looking into Alex's eyes.

"Tell the girls we love that we love them?" Alex finishes for her in a whisper, a faint smile on her lips.

"You remember what you said?"

"I remember. I was half asleep and groggy, but I remember. I do Maggie. I do love you," Alex breathes out and Maggie doesn't think she's ever felt this full before. Full of love and of acceptance and of peace. Because she knows. Knows that Alex loves her and even though the world is cruel and fate is unforgiving, she has Alex to come home to, she has Alex to hold her and strengthen her when she feels weak. To accept her, to help her heal the holes the past has wrought into her.

"You do?" Maggie asks, almost shyly and Alex nods, leaning to kiss Maggie softly on the lips.

"I love you I love you I love you, now, forever and always."

Maggie smiles. "Good, 'cause I love you too. _God_  do I love you Danvers."

Alex smiles at that and she lets her fingers trace the soft cheeks of her girlfriend, kissing her on the forehead, the nose and then the lips, tracing each line, memorising every touch, committing this moment to memory.

"Now how about we both call in sick, take a mental health day and we shower and we go for a walk if you feel like it, and we remind each other that life is cruel and hard, but the world is beautiful and worth sticking around for because we love each other and love is always what we need."

Maggie just nods, her eyes brimming with tears, with wonder at how she found this woman, at whoever or whatever brought them together because sure she feels sad and she feels angry right now, but she has love and she loves Alex and Alex loves her, and that is maybe just enough to get her through the bad times. Now, forever and always.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Find me on tumblr @sawyeralex


	16. Maybe the darkness wouldn't seem so scary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From this prompt:  
> Is it possible for you to write Sanvers and one of them always has long sleeves on and it seems like nothing but it's cause of like past self harm scars and when things get really bad, and then somehow the other finds out and is just really caring and helpful?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so a warning guys, this fic contains mentions of self harm and depression so please skip it if that triggers you. You're all amazing and wonderful <3

Alex always wore long sleeves, when she could. Her DEO uniform was useful in that way; all black, long sleeves, tight fitting and she never really used to leave her apartment much anyway, apart from going to Kara’s and Kara was Kara and Kara knew, so Alex could wear short sleeves and not be worried, not be reminded of everything in her past, of the hopeless days and the nights where she wasn’t sure if she’d wake up the next morning because her heart was racing and the panic and the fear were almost overwhelming. Of the days she’d go without eating and would just drink instead, curled up on her sofa, blinds closed against the sun because the outside world meant nothing to her anymore. Of the sadness and the misery and the overwhelming feeling of never being good enough.

Of course that was her past, but it didn’t mean that it was always in the past, that it always stayed in the past. Alex still struggled and Alex still cried to Kara sometimes, curled up into a ball on her bed, her sister’s strong arms making sure she was ok, making sure she’d taken her meds, making sure she never felt the need to cut herself. And for the most part Alex didn’t; Alex felt safe and warm and loved and Alex kept the blinds open, but still. Still there were days when it all became too much and she almost harmed herself again because she needed control of something and she couldn’t control her own mind so at least she could control her own body.

But then there was Maggie, and Maggie came and Maggie helped her and Maggie cared about her and Alex felt a lightness settle over her, not obliterating the darkness altogether, but making it a little less overpowering. Maggie was light and Maggie was _good_ , and Maggie listened to her, whatever she was saying, but Alex was still afraid. Afraid to do more than kiss Maggie on the couch, in the doorway, because _god_ she wanted Maggie so badly but she didn’t want Maggie to see her wrists, her arms and think that Alex was less than strong, less than beautiful. But Maggie noticed. Of course Maggie noticed.

* * *

“Alex, baby,” Maggie ventures one night, the windows open in Alex’s apartment, barely a breeze to cool down the hot summer night and Alex is there in her shorts and her hoodie and Maggie knows. Maggie had guessed a while back, before they kissed, before they became something more, because she noticed everything about Alex. She noticed the way she always tugged at her sleeves, the way she touched her arms sometimes when she was agitated or nervous, but she hadn’t wanted to push Alex to tell her. She just needed Alex to know it was ok. Sure they’d only been dating a few weeks, but Maggie felt more for Alex than she’d ever felt for anyone in her entire life and she needed Alex to know she was here for her no matter what. Good days and bad days.

But she knows she can’t press Alex to tell her, she knows that mental health and mental illness are personal things and if Alex doesn’t want to talk to her about it, then Alex doesn’t want to talk to her about it. So she does other things instead; she makes sure Alex is never alone when she’s had a rough day at work, when she’s quiet and withdrawn. Sometimes she’ll be there herself, and sometimes when she’s working she’ll text Kara and Kara will be there. Sometimes Alex will talk to her about it, will tell her about her day, will tell Maggie she feels hopeless and she feels useless and Maggie will love her a little bit more, a little harder on those days, will hold her whilst she cries and will tell her _it’s ok, it’s ok, it’s ok. It’s ok to feel how you feel, and you should never be ashamed of it, you’re amazing ok Alex. Remember that, always._ And Alex will nod and Alex will calm down and Maggie will wish she could make everything better, but the way Alex pulls her closer, the way Alex softens in her arms lets Maggie know that Alex values her presence.

But of course, Alex has bad days, and then Alex finds out her dad is working with Cadmus and Alex breaks down because nothing seems to ever go right for her. She feels like the world has it in for her, like nothing she ever does is good enough, because it never is. She’s never been as good as Kara, as strong, as powerful. She’s never been as intelligent as her mom. She’s never been anything really, she thinks. It’s just one thing after another, one disappointment after another. It’s one day of heartbreak followed by another day of dark thoughts and Alex wonders what she’s ever done to deserve this? Why her? What made the world turn against her? What made her own brain turn against her? Why does she hate herself so much? And how can people still love her?

So Alex breaks and Alex reaches for the bourbon and Alex’s fingers are itching again and she’s tapping at her scars because she can’t control this anymore, but she has to. She has to, has to stay strong, but staying strong is sometimes just too hard and she wants to give in because why should she have to live like this? Battling her own thoughts every single day, because it isn’t fair and it isn’t easy and Alex just wants five seconds of silence, five seconds of calm.

Maggie gets a text from Winn because Kara is broken too because Jeremiah is her dad as well, and Kara is trying to fight aliens, and the text is short and to the point. 

_Alex needs you Maggie, now._

So Maggie goes. Maggie leaves work and she goes to Alex because she Alex is not ok and Maggie needs to make sure she will be. Maggie tries calling but Alex doesn’t pick up so she shoots off a quick text telling her she’s coming over and when she gets there she knocks softly on Alex’s door.

“Al, babe? It’s only me. Can you let me in please?”

She can hear Alex sobbing and she wants to break down the door and gather her girlfriend up in her arms because this world has been far too cruel to her and Maggie knows what Alex is feeling. Maggie knows what it’s like to feel desperate and to feel lonely and to feel pure, utter hatred of yourself. So Maggie stays and Maggie waits until Alex opens the door and Maggie’s heart breaks, because she knows what Alex is feeling right now. She knows Alex is feeling let down and betrayed by a parent, by someone who was supposed to love you unconditionally.

And Alex is in short sleeves.

Maggie takes a deep breath. “Bad day baby?” and Alex nods almost imperceptibly.

Maggie takes Alex’s hands, Alex’s shaking hands and leads her to the couch. She sits and Alex sits down next to her automatically.

“Alex. Talk to me. I’m not going anywhere, I’m never going anywhere. I know how you feel ok Al? I know you feel lost and you feel hurt and you feel betrayed right now. Because when family betrays you it feels like the end of the world, and it nearly is, but it doesn’t have to be. You have me Alex, and I’m not going anywhere and neither is Kara, or Winn, or James, or J'onn, or Eliza. They’re your family too. We care and we’re here to help you be you again, no matter how long it takes.” Maggie moves her hands up to Alex’s wrists and forearms, tracing the skin there. “And whenever it feels too much, you call me ok? You call me right away, the second it even feels a little bit too much and I’ll be here, or if I can’t I’ll stay on the phone with you until I can get Kara or James or Winn to be there, ok Alex?”

Alex nods slightly and Alex follows Maggie’s fingers on her wrists, follows the way Maggie brings her lips to Alex’s wrists and kisses her scars softly and Alex breathes, in relief, in love.

“You’re beautiful you know Alex? So beautiful,” Maggie whispers. “And you’re strong and amazing and worthwhile, and _god_ I’m so proud of you.”

Alex nods and Alex sniffs and she looks into her girlfriend’s eyes. 

“So are you Maggie, so are you.“ 

Alex pulls Maggie into a hug, her head resting on Maggie’s shoulder, Maggie’s hands coming round to the small of Alex’s back and holding her tightly and Alex feels the tension seeping away slightly, feels a little bit of darkness seep away, thinking that maybe the darkness wouldn’t seem so scary with Maggie there to chase it away. 


	17. None of it is your fault

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From this prompt:   
> I don't know if you're taking prompts or not currently. No hard feelings if you aren't and just ignore this. If you are, could you write something about Maggie cutting or feeling worthless/suicidal? I felt connected to the one you wrote about Alex's scars and I feel like Maggie has them and those times when she thinks about what her ex said or she thinks about her parents, it is just too much to deal with and she goes back to old habits, or something like that? Thank you either way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, some warnings of mentions of depression/suicide, so please skip this if that triggers you or if you're not comfortable reading it.
> 
> To anyone struggling, I'm here, I feel you, I am struggling too. You're amazing and worthwhile and this world wouldn't be the same without you.
> 
> I'm @sawyeralex on tumblr if you ever want to talk.

Maggie wakes up from a restless dream, the sun still low in the sky, her loose NCPD t shirt sticking to her body, her fiancé sleeping peacefully beside her. And she feels empty. She feels scared and she feels anxious and she feels hot and sweaty and alone. She tries to breathe, to count to ten, in through the nose, out through the mouth, like the medication CD had tried to teach her but it was no good because _thinking thinking thinking_ , it was all just too much. It was all too much, but it was also nothing at all. Maggie feels worthless and angry, but she also feels cold and empty. There had been too many days she'd spent pretending to be ok, pretending to smile, pretending to laugh when whatever movie Kara had put on that was supposed to be funny. Too many times she'd tried to talk, to chatter, to make some sort of noise just so everyone else would think she's ok, because she didn't know how to explain to Alex, _god_ to this wonderful woman who had already been through so much, who was still struggling with her own demons now, that she felt like there was nothing good in the world anymore. How could she tell her fiancé  that she loved her to the end of the ocean, but she probably wouldn't mind if the waves swept her away in the process? How did she tell Alex that she hated herself so much that she had thoughts. Thoughts of _what if this happened? What if I just wasn't here anymore? Would I be better off, would everyone be better off if I wasn't around?_

So she stays there, in bed, eyes open, breathing erratically and she shifts slightly closer to Alex, who shifts a leg over her in the process, pulling her closer and Maggie thanks the stars that she has this one good thing in her life. This one thread of hope.

Alex stirs slightly in her sleep and she opens her eyes slightly to see Maggie staring at the ceiling.

"Mmm Mags, can't you sleep?"

"Not really, but it's fine baby, go back to sleep it's really early."

"No," Alex mumbles, moving so she's lying on her back, pulling Maggie closer into her chest, Maggie exhaling slightly as she feels Alex's hand smooth her hair out of her face.

"You feel like you're burning up Maggie." Alex starts but Maggie pulls her back down.

"It's ok, I'm ok. I just-I had a bad dream that's all."

Alex cocks an eyebrow at that and Maggie knows that Alex knows that isn't the whole story.

"You can tell me you know. I want to help. Whatever it is, however you feel. It's real and it's important because you're important Maggie. And I know you need help Maggie," Alex continues, fully awake now, eyes trained on her fiancé's. "But you have to talk to me to let me help you."

Maggie sighs and she takes a deep breath. "I don't know how I feel. I feel-empty."

"Like you used to see the world in colour but now it's only dull greys?" Alex asks in a small voice and Maggie almost cries because _yes yes yes._

She nods, almost imperceptibly and Alex kisses her softly on her forehead.

"Come on baby, sit up and let's talk." Maggie nods, shyly, but comfortably. Safe in the knowledge that whatever she tells Alex, Alex isn't going to run.

"I'm just going to grab us both a glass of water, and open a window, let some fresh air in. Ok?" Alex checks and Maggie nods and Alex is back in record time and she moves the sheets so they're sitting on top of them, the early July morning air a warm welcome.

They sit on the bed, pillows propping them up, side by side, and Alex waits because she knows Maggie will talk when she's ready. And she does.

"I just. I feel so worthless Al. Like I don't matter at all. That none of it matters and I try and hide it, but it's getting harder. There were days, times when I was younger, that I felt like this too. When my parents threw me out-" and Alex still feels her skin prickle in anger at the reminder.

"I felt low. I felt so low my aunt had to take me to the doctor because she was scared I'd do something, and so was I for a while. Because what's the point in living if your parents don't even love you?" 

Alex pulls Maggie closer to her then, her arm coming round her fiancé's shoulders, knowing the pain that comes with struggling for a parent's love, acceptance. 

"But I lived. I made myself live then, but then Gotham happened and _god_ Alex, terrible things happened there, and I came close again. That city was bad for my soul. And things got really dark for a really long time. I used to wander around the streets almost looking for danger, looking to feel something because the world had lost all meaning, all feeling for me. I forgot how to laugh and I forgot how to love other people, how to love myself. I ate almost nothing and I slept even worse. I closed myself off because the joy had gone from my life, had gone from everything Alex-" Maggie chokes out and Alex tells her that _it's ok. It's ok to cry Maggie, you're so so strong._

So Maggie cries and Alex holds her and Alex wipes her tears away and gives her a drink of water and Alex never leaves. Alex doesn't once tell her she's devoid of feeling, that she doesn't deserve to be happy. Alex stays and Alex listens and Alex cares.

So Maggie continues.

"And then I came here and things were better, and then I met you and _god_ Alex, things were-things are amazing," and Maggie smiles, kissing Alex's shoulder softly. 

"And I feel so guilty now Alex because we're here and I should be happy because things are amazing, you are amazing and everything in my life is finally falling into place. I have you Alex, a woman I'm so in love with it hurts, a woman I’m going to marry, and I have friends, I have a family. I have a home. But I feel so lost and I don't know why and I can't shake it. It's making me feel desperate and it's making me feel scared and I don't know what to do. I don't know how to stop the thoughts from taking over because I can feel them getting bad again. I can feel-" Maggie chokes on her sobs then and Alex wishes she could fight off Maggie's demons like she can fight off uncooperative aliens, but she can't, so she settles for the next best thing. She settles for love.

"I know baby, I know," Alex soothes. "I know it's hard and it's horrible, and we're gonna get you some help ok?"

Maggie nods and Alex continues. "But remember it's ok to feel like this. We all feel lost and alone and hopeless sometimes. This world is cruel and sometimes it takes over so much and we forget that there is anything good because the bad stuff just rises up and overwhelms us. It becomes all we can see, all we can hear, like a broken horrible record stuck in our brain. But you gotta remember that none of it is your fault, and none of it makes you a bad person. Plus, do you remember what you said to me, a few weeks after we started dating and you saw the scars on my wrists?”

Maggie nods because she remembers, she remembers it all.

"You told me that I was beautiful and strong and amazing, and that you were here for me, whenever and wherever and that you were going to be there whenever it felt too much."

Maggie nods again and feels her eyes fill up with tears, with love.

"And you stayed and you helped me heal. And I'm going to do the same for you because we're getting married Maggie, so we're in this for the long haul. We're gonna do this together, like we did back then, like we do whenever things get tough, forever. Because throw at me whatever you can baby, I'm not going anywhere. I'm kind of a badass anyway." Maggie laughs at that, properly laughs and Alex grins.

"It's still early, do you want to get some sleep?" 

"With you."

"Like I'm going anywhere Sawyer," Alex grins and she makes sure Maggie is comfortable against her chest, makes sure Maggie's breathing has evened out before she shoots Kara a quick text to say she won't be going into work, remembering to phone Maggie's partner later, something about earning a day off, and she resolves to just be there for Maggie, however she needs her to be, on early July mornings when the sun is shining and there's hope, and on cold December evenings when it seems like all hope is gone. She resolves to be there, to make sure they're there for each other. Forever.  


	18. The Danvers women have become a pretty important part of my life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From this lovely cute prompt:  
>  I'm the eliza+maggie enthusiast and I loved the fic about the pictures, maybe you could write one about how eliza weekly call to alex started to include maggie, first she asks about maggie, then to alex to give the phone to her and finally she just calls maggie right away 

“Hey mom,” Alex answers her phone on the couch, Maggie’s head turning from where she’s lying on Alex’s lap, turning down the TV so Alex can talk to her mom better. 

Phone calls from Eliza have become a weekly occurrence since Alex came out, since Eliza found out about her daughter and Maggie, and Maggie is glad because Alex never used to smile when Eliza rang, always used to wince slightly when she saw her mom’s name flash up on the screen, but now she answers and she smiles and she laughs and jokes with Eliza. Alex had also started opening up to Eliza more, telling her more about Maggie, and Eliza had gotten better at asking questions that didn’t centre around work or Kara and instead focussed on Alex. What Alex was doing, what journal she was reading, how her and Maggie were, whether they spent enough time together with their crazy work schedules and Alex was finally reconnecting with Eliza. 

“Yeah, everything’s fine with work. Yes Kara’s fine mom, I don’t know why you’re asking me I know you’ve phoned her too,” Alex rolls her eyes at that and Maggie chuckles. “Yes I’m eating! Mom I’m not a child! Well yes maybe Maggie is cooking for me but-no! Mom no I’m not making her cook she offers too oh my god mom just ask her yourself!” Alex rolls her eyes harder and passes Maggie the phone.

“She wants to talk to you,” Alex mutters under her breath and Maggie grins and Alex can’t help the smile that escapes her lips because her mom, her mom who has always pushed her so hard to be better, to be more, is finally easing up. Is finally realising that Alex is enough as she is and is embracing her brilliance and her daughter’s girlfriend with open arms. And Alex couldn’t be happier, and neither could Maggie, because Maggie has a family. Maggie has Eliza, who checks up on her when she checks up on her other daughters. Maggie has a new little sister in Kara who has roped her into sister nights every so often, and she has brothers in Winn and James and her very own space dad in J'onn who has welcomed her into the DEO and into their family with open arms because _anyone who makes Alex happy is more than worthy of my time, is more than family._

So Maggie grins and she grabs the phone and she sits up on the couch next to Alex.

“Hey Eliza! Yeah it was my aunt’s recipe, it’s pretty easy to make, I can show you next time Alex and I come up to visit. Yeah that works too,” Maggie laughs and Alex can’t really hear her mom on the other side but she hears Maggie’s “I know she wolfs it down like it’s going to disappear,” and she knows they’re talking about Alex’s mile a minute eating.

“You only don’t eat that fast because you know Kara wouldn’t steal food off your plate mom!” Alex shouts from where she’s moved to the kitchen to grab a glass of water and she hears a faint laugh from the other end of the phone.

“Your mom says you used to eat that fast even before Kara, apparently you were a chubby baby too,” and Maggie laughs as Alex’s cheeks redden.

“Give me the phone,” Alex deadpans as she returns to the couch and Maggie grins and shakes her head as she continues her conversation with Eliza. Alex just shakes her head, smiling softly at how content her girlfriend is talking to her mom.

Eventually Maggie hands the phone over to Alex and Alex chats with Eliza for a while before saying her goodbyes and she sits back on the couch, pecking Maggie on the lips.

“You know my mom might as well call you instead of demanding I give the phone to you every time we speak.”

“Oh she does. She phoned me yesterday because she wanted to ask me about a case we were working on, something to do with her research.”

Alex sits up, mocking offence. “So now my girlfriend is the first port of call for my mom when she talks about aliens, not her own alien daughter, or special ops alien fighting daughter. Fine!” Alex huffs, but she grins and she pulls Maggie back down into her lap, leaning down and smoothing some hair behind Maggie’s ear before kissing her softly.

“Special ops alien fighting daughter. Is that your official job title now?”

“Shut up,” Alex grins. “But seriously, I’m glad she calls you, I’m glad you’re close.“

“Me too Danvers, me too. The Danvers women have become a pretty important part of my life.”

“I’m still your favourite though, right?” Alex cocks her eyebrow and Maggie laughs.

“I don’t know, if it weren’t for Kara’s awful taste in Netflix binge watching she’d probably be my first choice." 

"Pfft It’s a good job you’re cute Sawyer.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, and I mean the fact I love you helps a little bit.”

Maggie laughs and she pulls Alex downs for another kiss. “I love you too and I love your mom and I love Kara, but I’m head over heels, would move mountains and oceans for you in love with you.”

With that Alex smiles softly and almost in embarrassment because she’s still not fully used to Maggie, this wonderful, amazing, beautiful, strong woman loving her and telling her so. But she’s learning, she’s learning how to be happy and how to be loved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed, find me on tumblr @sawyeralex because this hiatus is making me angsty


	19. She was going to scream their love to the stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From this prompt:   
> What do you think about Sanvers rarely doing any kind of pda on screen while Karahell kiss a lot on screen, in front of ppl as well (which sanvers only did in front of brian)? also if you feel like it could you please write a small thing where Sanvers progressively do more pda in front of ppl as time goes on? have a good week!
> 
> And yes I am angry and annoyed that Sanvers don't get much PDA and we have to see poor Kara kiss him, but there's fanfiction and there's hope!

Maggie was surprised the first time Alex held her hand in public, although she shouldn’t have been really; Alex was the one who’d grabbed her in the middle of the bar and kissed her, there and then, in front of a bar full of people and aliens. The kiss that had left her speechless and left her wanting more. The kiss that had started it all and the moment that sent Maggie spiralling because _oh god_ Alex’s lips fit perfectly against hers and she tasted faintly of whisky and smelt like fresh air and _god_ her hands were so soft against her cheeks and nothing, _nothing_ in her life had ever been this perfect.

But Alex, badass DEO agent as she was, unafraid and ruthless in the field, in her professional life; willing to risk everything for those she loved, to stand up to humans twice her size, to aliens five times her size, was scared and nervous in her personal life. Scared of messing things up with Maggie, worried that she didn’t know what she was doing, that she was doing everything wrong. Maggie had kissed her softly, and made it part of her routine to whisper to Alex how wonderful she was, how good she made her feel, how perfect her body felt against hers, how right she was, and slowly Alex was starting to listen. Alex was gaining more confidence. Alex smirked when Maggie groaned as she trailed her tongue down to Maggie’s collarbones and when she bit the inside of her thigh, her girlfriend squirming underneath her.

That was all in the privacy of Alex’s or Maggie’s apartment though, and even the first time that Maggie had met Kara and Eliza in official girlfriend capacity, the kiss had been a short peck at the door, the PDA limited to Maggie’s hand on her knee to try and calm her girlfriend’s jitters. It’s not that Alex didn’t want to touch Maggie, didn’t want to hold her hand all the time, didn’t want to curl up into her chest, she was just unsure. Unsure of how to navigate a relationship in general, woman or not, because she’d never had one. She’d never had someone she loved this much, never had to be around someone she couldn’t keep her hands off in front of her family, so she responded by being extra cautious. And Maggie understood because Alex was new at this and Alex was wonderful and Alex was worth it.

So, yes, the first time Alex grabbed Maggie’s hand in public, intertwining their fingers like she did at home, Maggie was surprised, but Maggie was also pleased and Maggie was proud, because Maggie was in love. So Maggie had squeezed Alex’s hand and looked into her girlfriend’s eyes to check that this was ok, that Alex was ok and Alex just smiled down at her and nodded and Maggie exhaled as they walked the short distance to their favourite Italian plac. When they had sat down to dinner Alex held Maggie’s hand over the table and Maggie smiled the whole way through dinner because this was it, this was love. Being out and proud and being able to show the world; Alex realising that she was good enough and worthy enough to be happy.

And when Maggie mentioned it to her a few days later when they were in the DEO, it was to say how proud she was of Alex because she knew it wasn’t easy to be out in public all the time, especially with Alex only coming out recently and Alex had  beamed and kissed Maggie, in full view of J'onn and Winn, resting their foreheads together, whispering _I’m so proud to be with you Maggie and the whole world needs to know._

So now their PDA was commonplace and it was everything Maggie had always thought she hated; it was holdings hands at the movies, it was casual touches to the small of Alex’s back as they ordered drinks at the bar, it was Alex resting her head on Maggie’s shoulder as she walked up behind her at work, it was stealing kisses because they just couldn’t wait, it was cuddling on the couch at game night, it was Winn and James teasing, it was Kara muttering _get a room, oh Rao,_ and it was J'onn muttering to himself about somethings fathers don’t need to see when they got too carried away. But Maggie realised she never hated these things, she’d just never found the right person to do them with, and now she had. Now she had Alex and she was going to kiss her on the corner of the sidewalk, in a crowded room and she was going to scream their love to the stars, because Alex was worth it, and _god was she in love._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on tumblr @sawyeralex  
> This hiatus is breaking me


	20. Yes yes yes Maggie, a thousand times yes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From this prompt:  
> Alex and maggie. One of them proposing to the other?

Maggie lies in bed blinking up at the darkness, the bright red of the alarm clock burning into her retinas, Alex lying peacefully beside her, her soft snores the only thing calming Maggie's heartbeat. They'd come to Midvale for their five year anniversary weekend; Alex had suggested they take a proper vacation, go somewhere with actual sun and foreign climates but Maggie had shaken her head softly, whispering that there was no place she'd rather be because Midvale was home for Alex, Midvale held so many good memories for Alex and that was where Maggie always wanted to go, because Midvale for Maggie was a reminder that now she had a family too. Now she had Eliza, and she had a little sister in Kara and she felt at home in their childhood house, pictures of her and Alex pinned to the fridge alongside Lena and Kara, Eliza proud of her daughters. Her soon to be daughter in law. Because that was another reason Maggie had demanded they come to Midvale for the weekend. She was going to propose, and she was going to propose here. She'd told Kara months ago, enlisting her soon to be sister in law and her girlfriend to help her buy Alex's ring, to help her plan the perfect beach proposal. Turns out she didn't really need Kara's help in the ring department; the second store they'd walked into Maggie was drawn towards a ring that screamed Alex. It was beautiful and it was simple, and it was perfect. Maggie knew Alex didn't want flashy, never wanted flashy, she'd just want a constant reminder that she was Maggie’s and Maggie was hers. The band was gold and not too thick, and three simple diamond stones adorned the top, clustered close together, glinting softly off the late afternoon sunlight and all Maggie could think was how perfect it would look in the early morning light as Alex lay naked beside her and smoothed her hair behind her ear as Alex loved to do, the diamonds catching the sunlight, a promise of everything good to come. So Maggie had bought the ring and Maggie had hidden it amongst her socks, nervous that Alex would find it, that Alex would realise her plans. But she hadn't and now the day was here and Maggie hadn't slept a wink.

She'd text Kara the night before, confirming their plans for her to fly James out in the early morning so he could photograph the moment Alex said yes, the rest of their friends being flown over soon after to celebrate properly and Maggie's heart pounded out of her chest.

_What if she says no Kara? Oh god what if she says no?_

_Maggie. My sister is obsessed with you, she's not going to say no._

_But what if she doesn't want to get married? She's always been independent I don't want to tie her down._

_Maggie, this is Lena. Kara keeps talking to herself and making odd noises, so I'm here to reassure you. Alex will 100% say yes. She looks at you like you hung the moon. Trust me. We'll see you tomorrow, future Mrs Danvers-Sawyer._

Maggie smiles at that.

_Thanks guys, night._

She gets a text back off Kara.

 _Night future big sis!!! XXXX_ and she laughs to herself.

_Alex is gonna say yes. Alex has to say yes, right?_

* * *

But that was last night and Maggie had slept an hour at most because she was nervous, because this is the biggest thing she's ever done and she loves Alex more than she ever thought she could love anyone, and she just wants it to all be perfect. She needs it to be perfect because Alex is perfect and she deserves the whole world and then some, and Maggie intends to give it to her.

So she stretches slightly, careful not to wake Alex, knowing that when she wakes for her early morning surf session she'll wonder where Maggie is, but Maggie leaves her a note in plain sight.

_Happy Anniversary baby, I love you to outer space and then back, nerd. Come to the beach, put a hoodie on, it's chilly._

Maggie breathes in through her nose and out through her mouth, calming her anxiety, reminding herself that Alex loves her, Alex has told her she loves her many many times, Alex thinks she's worthy of happiness and worthy of her. She checks her pocket once more for the ring, running her fingers through her hair. She makes sure to head to Alex's favourite spot on the beach, the house still in view but blocked slightly by a small rocky area, Maggie smiling fondly as she remembers Alex telling her that this is where her and Jeremiah would come and rest after he'd taught Alex the science of surfing, where she'd come to study after he'd disappeared, a reminder of happiness and of her dad, of being loved and being special.

* * *

The sun was just starting to rise as Maggie checked her watch, 5:15. Alex would be here soon and Maggie could feel the butterflies, could feel her palms sweating despite the early morning chill. She gently traced out _Happy Anniversary Danvers_ in the sand, arranging a small set of stones into a heart underneath the message.

She'd thought about an elaborate proposal, of renting out a room like she did for their first Valentine's Day, and had seriously toyed with that idea, but she'd realised that big gestures were wonderful and they had their place, but their relationship wasn't built on big gestures. Their relationship was built on the smaller things; on listening to one another, on understanding one another and the hardships they'd been through. On the simplicity of a home, a hand to hold and family. So the beach, the early morning sunshine and the place where Alex felt most at peace, this was the place to propose.

* * *

5:30, Alex should be here, Alex will be here any second and Maggie is pacing along the sand and then she turns and she sees her girlfriend walking towards her, hugging her arms close to her body against the wind and Maggie smiles because _god_ Alex is perfect in this light, in any light.

Alex tilts her head to look at Maggie, reading the nervousness in her eyes and sees the message written behind her and smiles. Maggie's heart stops because Alex has picked that habit up from her and _god_ she loves her so so much.

"Morning baby, happy anniversary to you too," Alex smiles out into a kiss and Maggie aches to deepen the kiss, to gather Alex into her arms there and then, but she pulls back reluctantly, breathing in.

"Is everything ok Mags?" Alex questions and Maggie nods but she doesn't say anything, not yet, she just pulls Alex in closer, intertwining their fingers, looking deep into Alex's eyes and she sees Alex's eyes realise. Realise what is going to happen and she swallows, tears threading to escape her eyes.

"Maggie," Alex chokes out and Maggie nods.

"Alex. God Alex, I love you so much. I'm so head over heels in love with you and I can't quite believe we've been together for five years because never in my whole life did I imagine I would find a woman like you, be lucky enough to love and be loved by a woman like you. Because Alex, you are everything. You are strength and beauty and gracefulness. You are pure intelligence and pure love and you would risk everything to save those you love, and I'm honoured to be one of those people. But I don't just love you for those things baby. I love you for your vulnerability too, for your struggles and your tears. I love you because you never ever give up, no matter how hard things are. And I love you for never giving up on me. I love you in the early mornings and I love you late at night. I love you when we both come home, exhausted and battered and bruised and we barely say two words to each other before we fall into bed. I love you when you make me questionable food and I love you when you dribble in your sleep. Because we're not perfect, but I think our love is."

Alex laughs through her tears, her eyes trained on Maggie and Maggie takes a deep breath because she's not finished and she needs Alex to hear everything.

"You know the first time you kissed me and I told you we should be friends, well that was probably the biggest mistake I've ever made, and I've made a few mistakes."

Maggie pulls a crumpled piece of paper out of her jeans pocket and hands it to Alex who takes it with shaking hands.

"I wrote this, after that-after the bar. It was everything I wish I'd said instead of pushing you away."

_I used to hate my name Danvers, but then you said it for the first time and it felt like everyone else had just been saying it wrong._

_You smell like the ocean and grass that’s just been cut, a faint whisper of smoke and I want to know if you taste like spearmint and whisky, like I imagine you do when I think about kissing you, which is all the time by the way._

_I’m pretty sure I’m drunk on you Alex Danvers. Drunk on the way your eyebrows raise in indignation, in surprise, in hope and in realisation. Drunk on the way you look in that leather jacket, your hair falling perfectly as you pull your helmet off and climb off your bike._

_Your eyes remind me of the ocean and I wouldn’t mind drowning in them._

_I’m pretty sure I’m falling in love with you._

"You wrote this? After our first kiss, after that?" Alex breathes out and Maggie nods, tears falling now.

"I was falling deep for you from the start and the first time we kissed I knew that it was it for me, that no one would ever compare to you, but I was scared and you were, well you were _you_ Alex. But I'm not scared now, I've never been so sure. I want to spend my whole life with you Alex. I want to go through the good times and the bad times with you by my side, as my wife. I want to grow old with you. Alexandra Danvers, will you marry me?"

With that Maggie drops to her knees and opens the ring box and Alex gasps and Alex cries because the ring is perfect and she's nodding her head because she can't get her words out. Maggie is smiling and it's all dimples and Alex is laughing because Maggie is perfection.

Maggie slides the ring onto her finger and Alex pulls her up to kiss her and the kiss is messy and their faces are wet with tears. Alex is whispering _yes yes yes Maggie, a thousand times yes_ , and she rests her head against her fiancé's.

"Alex Danvers-Sawyer.  Alex Sawyer-Danvers, which sounds better babe?" Maggie laughs and shakes her head because of course this is Alex's first thought.

"Danvers-Sawyer," Maggie whispers and Alex grins and kisses her again, but they're interrupted because she hears a squeal and a reprimand of "Kara!" which is clearly Lena's voice, but then Kara is there and she's squealing and she's crushing them both into a hug.

"That was so perfect Maggie it worked just like we planned! James got some amazing pictures!" Kara grins out, bouncing on the balls of her feet and Alex swivels and sees James who grins sheepishly and Alex laughs and looks back at Maggie.

"I thought we'd like a picture to document it," Maggie whispers, unsure and Alex kisses her again because the moment was perfect and she had a pulitzer prize winning photo journalist to capture it.

"God I can't wait to marry you."

"Me neither Danvers, me neither," and with that she lets Alex pull her in for a hug, breathing in the scent of the early morning sea air and the faint scent of Alex's shampoo and she smiles and she feels calm because she is home. She is finally home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone has read all my one shots, my first ever chapter makes an appearance in this one, just because I thought it fit well!
> 
> Also, the ring I describe briefly is based upon a ring I own and this picture http://www.hsamuel.co.uk/webstore/d/2907283/18ct+gold+half+carat+diamond+trilogy+ring/
> 
> The ring I own was given to me by my grandmother and actually belonged to my great grandmother and was given to her by my great grandfather as an engagement ring and is probably about 100 years old so that's a fun fact!
> 
> Anyways, I hope you liked this and you can find me on tumblr @sawyeralex


	21. Maybe life would never be easy, but it would always be worth it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From this prompt:  
> Prompt? Sanvers: Alex gets a bit roughed up on duty and Maggie is all concerned but Alex is mostly mad that it hurts to kiss with a busted lip.
> 
> I adapted it slightly for post 2x19.
> 
> Anyone else still crying hysterically over it even though they're trying to function like an adult in society because I am.

Maggie turns from where she's brewing coffee, hearing Alex's step behind her.

"Danvers, I told you to stay in bed, you know I'll bring you your coffee."

"But I don't like my bed without you, it's cold and you're warm and I miss you," Alex pouts, walking up behind Maggie, wrapping her arms around her girlfriend's waist, moving her dark hair over one shoulder so she can kiss her neck. Maggie hums into Alex's touch and leans back as Alex moves her lips up, nipping lightly on Maggie's ear.

"I love you," Alex whispers and Maggie still can't help the way her heart rate speeds up with those words and she knows she'll never get tired of those words leaving Alex's lips.

"I love you too baby, that's why I need you to get back into bed." Maggie turns in Alex's arms and leans up slightly to place a kiss on Alex's lips, not missing the way Alex's gasps as one of her old Stanford t shirts rises up, exposing the soft, toned skin of Maggie's stomach. Alex itches to touch her, to worship her, and she has and she will over and over again, never getting tired of whispering those three words as she makes Maggie cum hard.

"I'm fine babe," Alex justifies, stepping back and waving her arms around and bending to touch her toes, giggling.

"Danvers!" Maggie laughs. "You're supposed to be resting, not playing the fool."

Alex rolls her eyes good naturedly.

"Look, I know you're worried about me, and it's cute and I love it, I really do. But I promise you Mags, I wouldn't exert myself unnecessarily. I mean, before," Alex shrugs, glancing at the floor. 

"Before I met you, I probably would have. I was reckless, putting my life on the line without a second thought, because I didn't have anyone apart from Kara who I wanted to live for. But now Maggie, after that-" 

Alex shudders at the memory, the constant memory of water, water water water, and no air, her vision going black as remembers how she was grateful, grateful for Maggie for allowing her to be herself and loving her so much she came into her own. Maggie sees the pain flash through Alex's eyes and she pulls her closer again, whispering that she's ok, she's ok.

Alex takes a deep breath, smiling at her girlfriend, here, with her, alive. 

"After the tank, I would never want to risk losing you again. And I know my job, our jobs, mean we rush headlong into danger often without a second thought and that's the way it is. But I _promise_ I will be all the more careful, all the more calculated when taking risks, because I nearly died Magggie and you were my last thought. The feel of your lips against mine, the way your smile can change my whole day, the way you make me feel safe and strong, the way you let me be weak without making me feel weak. The way I love you. So yeah, we're going to be in life and death situations and I can only hope and trust that we err on the side of life, but I will do my very very best to keep myself alive. And you better do the same," Alex smiles softly, chuckling.

"Alex," Maggie whispers out. "God I love you, I am so in love with you and I promise to keep myself alive until we're old and grey and you actually can't get out of bed without some form of assistance."

Alex laughs at that. "In your dreams Sawyer, I'm still going to be the DEO's top Agent at 95.

Maggie barks out a laugh.

"Sure thing Danvers, but for now the couch and Netflix and me looking after you, okay?"

Alex softens at the concern in her girlfriend's eyes and nods. "Okay, but we're getting pizza for dinner."

"Whatever you want babe, I'll invite Kara and she can bring them."

"Mmmm," Alex hums as she sits on the couch, beckoning for Maggie, cups of coffee in her hands, to join her.

Maggie snuggles herself into Alex's open arms, but Alex winces when she brings her left arm down around Maggie and Maggie is jumping back and Maggie is staring at her because o _h God Alex hurts and Alex is in pain, and she should have got back into bed and let Alex sleep some more or something._

"Maggie. Maggie, hey baby calm down. Look at me," Alex lifts Maggie's chin so their eyes meet.

"It's ok, just my shoulder and my ribs, it's ok, I'm ok. Well, I'm mad that it hurts to cuddle you the couch, but I'm ok."

Maggie relaxes and manoeuvres herself on the the couch, pillows on her lap as she grabs a throw from the back of the couch and pats her lap.

"Lay your head on me Alex, we can cuddle like this, and I promise you can be the big spoon when your ribs aren't broken."

"'Kay," Alex grumbles, but she lays her head on Maggie's lap and sighs as she feels Maggie's hands run through her hair and dance softly against her neck, sighing in contentment.

She may have come too close to life without Maggie, but this, right now was perfect. She was alive, she was ok and so was Maggie, and they had each other. They had each other and they loved each other, and maybe life would never be easy, but it would always be worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Find me on tumblr @sawyeralex


	22. A little birdy told me you like tiramisu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From @ohmyjareau:  
> hii!! could you write the moment where eliza met maggie for the first time (this being before jeremiah came back) as we were robbed of that scene, please? thanks! :)

Her mom’s words ring in her ears as Alex paces around her apartment. 

_Why would your being gay ever let me down?_

_You were always gonna be different Alex, because you were always exceptional._

_And I love you. However you are._

_Her mom loves her, her mom accepts her,_ Alex repeats to herself _. Everything is ok, you’re ok, Maggie is ok. We’re ok._

Of course Eliza had known there had been something between her and Maggie just from the amount of time Alex spent talking about her, from the smile that seemed to shine through the phone every time she mentioned Maggie’s name, even though they were just friends then, if friends gave each other long, lingering glances when they thought the other wasn’t looking. If friends ached to taste each other’s lips, feel each other’s skin.

But they weren’t just friends anymore, they were girlfriends, they were official, and now Maggie was her girlfriend, and Alex smiled at the fact that she could call this wonderful, badass, gorgeous woman her girlfriend.

* * *

 

“Al,” Maggie calls lightly from her place on the couch.

“Could you stop pacing babe, I’m just as nervous as you are and you’re making it worse,” Maggie groans.

Alex turns and sighs, a lopsided grin appearing on her face.

“Sorry,” Alex shrugs, sitting down on the couch and placing a comforting hand on Maggie’s knee which is bouncing slightly.

“I feel like I should be the one freaking out Danvers, I’m meeting your family after all.”

“Yeah but it’s just my mom. You already know Kara and J'onn and all the other people most important to me.”

Maggie hums to herself. “Hmm, ok then. So why are you so nervous?”

“Because-” Alex shrugs, unsure really -“because she’s my mom and she’s always been so critical. I mean don’t get me wrong, she’s gonna love you because I-” but Alex stops herself, because she feels those words, _god_ she feels them, but it’s too soon, it’s been a month, it’s too soon. 

Alex shakes her head slightly and Maggie’s head cocks and a small smile escapes her lips, as if she knows, as if she feels the same words Alex was about to say. 

“She’s gonna think you’re amazing and wonderful because you are Maggie. You really are.”

“Well thank you,” Maggie laughs out, pressing a soft kiss to Alex’s cheek. 

“So are you. But I get you’re nervous, it’s normal. You’ve never brought anyone home to meet your mom and now it’s a girl and that’s a lot Al, but she’s gonna be fine,” and Maggie breathes deeply, like she’s trying to convince herself of the fact.

“And I know you feel like you always have to be perfect Alex, and I don’t really know what you’re afraid of, but it’s ok to be afraid. It’s a big step, but I’m here, nerves and all. After all, I’m the one who’s got to impress the inimitable Eliza Danvers,” Maggie jokes, earning a sharp laugh from Alex.

“True,” she agrees, placing a kiss on Maggie’s mouth. “Better bring your a game Sawyer.”

Maggie just winks. “Oh you know I always do Danvers,” and Alex rolls her eyes but she can’t help the blush that spreads across her cheeks.

Alex opens her mouth to retort but they’re interrupted by a knock on the door and Alex takes a deep breath and Maggie wipes her slightly damp hands on her jeans.

“Hey mom,” Alex greets as she opens to door to Eliza and Eliza smiles broadly, kissing her daughter on the cheek.

“Hello sweetheart, I bought some things for dessert, I hope that’s ok.”

“Of course mom,” Alex smiles and she moves to the side to let her mom in and really meet, really greet her girlfriend for the first time.

Eliza sets the bags down on the kitchen counter and turns towards Alex and her girlfriend, smiling because Maggie is running a hand down Alex’s arm to calm her nerves and Alex is leaning into her and Eliza knows that this is love. This is what Alex had been waiting for, this was her Alex, happy.

“Mom, this is my girlfriend Maggie,” Alex breathes out and Maggie smiles and steps forward, reaching to shake hands, but Eliza shakes her head and pulls Maggie in for a hug. Maggie is surprised, but in a good way because Eliza is warm and calm. There’s no rage, there’s no _get away from my daughter_ , no _you’re a disgrace, get out of my house_. Just acceptance, and love.

“It’s nice to meet you Mrs. Danvers,” Maggie greets as they pull apart.

“Please, call me Eliza,” Eliza smiles out and Maggie grins, nodding.

“I feel like that’s the least you can do seeing as I already feel like I know you. Alex talks a lot about you. Maggie this, Maggie that, Maggie is such a good Detective mom, she’s so smart and god she’s funny, but she’s terrible at pool, but that’s ok mom because she has these cute dimples,” Eliza mimics a flustered Alex but Alex cuts her off.

“Mom stop it!” Alex chides and both Eliza and Maggie laugh.

“Awww Alex, you think I’m cute?”

“I feel like an embarrassed teenager,” Alex grumbles, but Maggie just smiles, feeling comfortable, safe enough to lean up in the presence of Eliza and give Alex a chaste kiss.

“Don’t worry, I think you’re cute too,” and _god_ Maggie falls harder when Alex blushes like that, like she’s still not used to receiving such compliments, which makes Maggie compliment her all the more.

Eliza just smiles at her daughter and Maggie and feels proud, proud of Alex for coming out, and happy. Happy that her daughter has found the love she always deserved.

“Well Maggie, you certainly make my daughter very happy and that is all I can ask for as a mom. So, welcome to the family,” Eliza smiles out, placing a soft hand on Maggie’s shoulder.

“It’s an honour Eliza,” and Maggie sees Alex smile from the corner of her eye and she’s pleased her girlfriend has so much acceptance and love in her life.

“Oh, by the way, a little birdy told me you like tiramisu.”

Maggie claps her hands together in glee.

“There’s this wonderful new little store in Midvale that does the best cakes and I picked up a tiramisu for dessert.”

Maggie is positively grinning now. “Thanks Eliza, although I can’t promise you two will get to eat much of it,” Maggie jokes and Alex rolls her eyes.

“Seriously mom, Maggie would eat tiramisu for every meal if I let her.”

“Pffft whatever Danvers, who cooks most nights?”

“Ok, fine, you,” Alex shrugs. “But who makes coffee in the morning, and who gives you your gross double toasted bagels?”

“They’re not gross!” But Alex just laughs, kissing Maggie on the cheek.

“Ok babe, whatever you say.”

Eliza smiles, observing the pair, their playful bickering a sure sign that this is a perfect relationship, one of compromise and of love and of laughter.

“Right girls, let’s crack open the wine shall we.”

Alex steps forward. “Definitely,” and then she walks over to the kitchen, but Eliza pulls her back slightly, pulling her in for a hug and Maggie just observes the two.

“I’m proud of you Alex, remember that,” Eliza states as she pulls back and Alex nods, tears glistening in her eyes, and Eliza turns to Maggie.

“I’m proud of both of you,” and a soft smile spreads across Maggie’s face and she feels something she’s never felt before. She feels like she’s home. And even though she feels a pang of remembrance and hurt at how her own mother never accepted her like this, she knows she finally has a family who will.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked this, I always enjoy writing cute Sanvers/Eliza moments!
> 
> Find me on tumblr @sawyeralex


	23. Happy Mother's Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From this lovely prompt:  
> Hey! You always write adorable eliza+sanvers, could u write something for mothers day? Alex telling maggie that eliza invited her to midvale to celebrate and maggie buying a cute gift and eliza putting it in the same shelf she keeps alex's and kara's
> 
> So, Happy Mother's Day to everyone who celebrated yesterday, and if you're British like me, Happy Belated Mother's Day from when we celebrated in March!

"Hey babe," Maggie calls from her place on the couch, rubbing her hands together nervously.

"Mmm," Alex answers back absentmindedly from the fridge where she's grabbing herself and Maggie a beer.

"So Eliza phoned me yesterday."

"Oh yeah, everything ok?" Alex asks, knowing that her mom usually phones of a weekend since she knows Alex and Maggie are usually too busy and too tired in the week to catch up.

"Yeah," Maggie mumbles out and Alex furrows her eyebrows, sitting down next to her girlfriend on the couch.

"It doesn't sound it. What's up? What did she say?"

Alex furrows her brow because sure she'd had her fair share of disagreeable conversations with her mother in the past, but it was unlike her to have said something to Maggie, something bad. She was getting better, better at putting less pressure on the two of them, of just letting them be whilst still supporting them. And she knows Maggie loves Eliza and cherishes her as the mother figure she'd never really had, and Eliza had welcomed Maggie with an open heart and arms open even wider.

"No-no it's nothing bad Alex, I just, err-" and Maggie's unsure how to say it because she doesn't want to interfere, doesn't want to intrude on Eliza and her daughters' time on Mother's Day, but Eliza had invited her because _Maggie you're family now too_ , and Maggie had wanted to say yes, _god_ she'd wanted to say yes, but she also didn't want to be a burden. So she'd said she'd be honoured to, but she had better ask Alex. Eliza had just hummed in understanding. _I know she'll want you there sweetheart_ , Eliza had told her and Maggie had smiled, because Alex would.

-"Err Elizainvitedmetospendmother'sdaywithyouall," Maggie gets out as fast as she can.

"Oh it's Sunday isn't it?" Alex questions. She'd spoken to Kara briefly about flying back to Midvale but no plans had been made, but clearly Eliza had taken matters into her own hands, knowing how busy her girls could be and wanting to spend time with them.

"Do you want to Maggie?" Alex probes gently because she knows Maggie loves Eliza, but mothers are still a sore spot for Maggie and she would never want to push her girlfriend into something she's not completely ready for.

Maggie lifts her head and smiles softly. "I'd love to Alex. But I don't want to intrude."

Alex cocks her head and studies Maggie, her heart almost breaking at how Maggie still doesn't always feel like she belongs.

"Maggie, I would absolutely love you to come. And so does my mom since she asked you, and I know Kara will want you there. My mom loves you, almost as much as I do," Alex winks and Maggie laughs.

"But seriously baby, I want you there, you're part of my family, part of this family."

Maggie nods slightly, taking a deep breath.

"You promise Danvers?"

"Cross my heart," Alex smiles, pressing a soft kiss to Maggie's lips.

"But we should probably get her a really good gift because so far she's organised her own Mother's Day." Alex laughs out.

And sure enough when Alex checks her phone there's a text from Eliza and from Kara stating in no uncertain terms that they're to go to Midvale this weekend.

"I've got a few ideas for a gift," Maggie shrugs and Alex's heart warms because her girlfriend, the love of her life, had thought of what to buy her own mother for Mother's Day. 

"Sure thing baby, you do buy the best gifts after all. What were you thinking?" Alex encourages, letting Maggie know it's ok to want to do this, to want to be close, have a proper realtionship with Eliza, to heal the hurt her own mother had caused her.

"This-" Maggie pulls up amazon on her phone and shows Alex the book she's found.

"Women in Science," Alex reads and she smiles because _god_ Maggie is perfect, _god_ she is so head over heels in love with this woman.

"Yeah, it focuses on fifty female scientists in history up to now who pretty much changed the face of science, and I thought that's fitting for Eliza because she is basically one of those women, and so is her daughter," Maggie smiles and Alex beams because _love, love, love._

"It's perfect Maggie. She's going to love it. And I love you, for thinking of it."

Maggie just beams, dimples and all and Alex presses kisses to her face and Maggie giggles because she gets a Mother's Day, she gets a day to say thank you to Eliza. Thank you for raising the woman she's been lucky enough to fall in love with, for raising her strong and determined, but kind and understanding.

"Guess I'll just get her flowers then," Alex gasps through her laughter and then groans.

"God you're gonna be the favourite now, you'll definitely beat Kara's gift," and Maggie's laugh is loud and the sparkle in her eyes is louder.

* * *

 

 

* * *

 

When they arrive in Midvale, Maggie has the book in a gift bag and her hands are sweating where they're clasped in Alex's and Alex notices, of course she does, and she leans closer and presses a soft kiss to her cheek.

"Relax baby, she'll love it I promise," and Kara smiles because _ugh_ her sister and Maggie are definitely, one hundred percent made for one another.

"My girls!" Eliza beams as she opens the door, ushering them in.

"Hey mom. Happy Mother's Day," Alex greets, kissing her mom on the cheek, her hand never leaving her girlfriend's

"Happy Mother's Day," Kara greets, pulling Eliza into a strong hug and presenting her with her traditional gift.

The first year Kara had spent Mother's Day on earth, after Alex explaining it to her, she’d been upset, because what she wouldn't give to have her mom back with her, and when the day came, Eliza had insisted they didn't make a fuss, because Kara was missing her mom and Eliza could never replace her. So they'd spent the day as a family, walking on the beach as the sun set, just being together, there for Kara. And the next year, they'd done the same, but Kara had noticed gifts, cards scattered around that Eliza had kept from Alex over the years. Childhood cards clearly written in Alex's handwriting as it formed into the messy scrawl it is today, and Kara had wanted Eliza to have something from her over the years too. So, as a teenager still new to earth she thought of something everyone seemed to love, and come up with stuffed animals. Then as her third mother's day on earth rolled around, Kara had gone shopping with Alex and together they'd found the cutest teddy bear she could, with Happy Mother's Day scrawled across it, and they had given it to Eliza together. It was a tradition that continued every year, some of the teddies cuter than others, some bears, some dogs, one year there was even an octopus, and Eliza, just as she'd kept every single one of Alex's cards, of her drawing of constellations and molecules, she kept every single teddy bear from her youngest daughter.

"I love it, thank you," Eliza laughs out gently as she places the teddy bear that has _I <3 you mom _emblazoned on it's chest gently on the mantelpiece and Kara grins.

Alex feels Maggie shift behind her and she holds the flowers out for Eliza who beams and takes them from Alex, along with her card.

"Lilies, my favourite thank you sweetie," and with that she quickly swoops into the kitchen to cut the stems and place them in water, displaying them proudly next to Kara's teddy.

"Mom, Maggie bought you a gift too."

"Well it's from Alex as well-" Maggie starts out but Alex interrupts her.

"Don't let her tell you that, the credit is all hers," Alex smiles proudly at her girlfriend.

"If you don't like it you can return it, I just thought it was interesting, and fitting," Maggie rambles nervously and Eliza places a comforting hand on her shoulder as Maggie hands her the bag.

Her eyes roam the cover and Maggie stands nervously as she sees Eliza take a deep breath and _oh god she hates it_ Maggie thinks, but then Eliza is pulling her in for a hug, tears in her eyes.

"Thank you sweetheart, it's so thoughtful. You really didn't have to get me a gift, but it's going on the shelf next to Kara's teddy and Alex's card right after I've devoured it," and Maggie grins because _she likes it, she likes her gift._

"See," Alex whispers and Maggie beams because her girlfriend was right, her girlfriend was always right.

"Three lovely gifts and my girls alltogteher with me on Mother's Day. What more could I ask for?" And with that Eliza sits down on the couch with her book from Maggie.

"Now, seeing as it's Mother's Day I'd like a nice cup of tea and a slice of the cake I bought myself," and Maggie, Kara Alex all laugh and head to the kitchen but Eliza calls Maggie back.

"Not you sweetie, this is you first Mother's Day and you get to enjoy it with me."

"Alex, bring your girlfriend an extra large slice of cake,” Eliza orders and Maggie laughs.

"Yeah, no taking a bite out of it either Danvers!" It’s Eliza’s turn to laugh as they hear Alex grumbling to herself in the kitchen.

Maggie smiles and her eyes are full of tears and her heart is full of love and she sits next to Eliza and when Alex walks back, plates and cakes in her hand, Kara trailing behind with the teas, she stops and she takes a deep breath because she's here. With her mom, her sister, and her girlfriend and she has never, ever felt so loved. So appreciated. And she knows Maggie feels the exact same way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this! As always, find me on tumblr @sawyeralex


	24. Now we're gay together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From this prompt:  
> Sanvers fic where Alex or Maggie gets too drunk and puts on really heavy PDA in front of the whole supersquad or something like that ???

"Danvers!" Maggie almost screeches as she sees Alex walk out from the bathroom.

"Where have you been? I've missed you?" Maggie pouts as she wraps her arms around Alex's neck and Alex cocks her eyebrow at her clearly tipsy girlfriend.

"I missed you too babe, but I've been gone for like two minutes, I went to pee."

Alex studies Maggie's face.

"Did Winn buy you another shot whilst I was gone? No fair."

"Maybe but he buys the best bomby things?"

"What on earth?” Alex laughs, amused at her girlfriend's look of concentration as she tries to remember the name of the drink.

"The German sounding one."

"Jägerbombs?"

"Yes! What you said Danvers. God you’re intelligent. You know everything Danvers, everything."

Alex laughs again at her girlfriend. She's tipsy, the kind of tipsy where you feel like you can tell the world anything and the world understands, but she's not absolutely wasted and Alex relaxes, knowing that neither her, nor any of her friends would let Maggie lose too much control. And she realises, realises it's ok to let loose, to have a few drinks now and then, to play stupid drinking games and to laugh like their world didn't almost drown along with her two weeks ago, like Maggie didn't wake up drenched in sweat, panicking because she'd had a nightmare that Alex was gone, gone, gone. Like Alex didn't sometimes stop breathing when she walked into an elevator because walls, walls, walls.

"Shall we get you a glass of water babe?"

"But I'm not that drunk. I'm just jolly. And gay. Happy gay," Maggie laughs. 

"But also gay gay. Because I'm gay, gay for you Danvers. Gay gay gay. And so are you, now. I helped you realise that didn't I Alex? That was good. Now we're gay together. Gay happy together and gay gay together."

Alex just stares at her girlfriend, wondering if this rambling was something she always did when she was drunk or if she'd subconsciously picked it up from Kara, but Alex indulges Maggie as she leans in.

"Really gay Sawyer. Really fucking gay. And the things you did to me last night. Super gay."

Alex hears Maggie's breath hitch and Maggie's hand reaches behind Alex to squeeze her ass and Alex sighs and moans slightly at the contact.

"Well I personally vote we spend the rest of tonight, and tomorrow, and every single day after that doing really gay stuff."

"When we’re both sober babe, we can gay it out all we want."

Maggie huffs slightly. "I am sober," but then she hiccups and she sees Alex's _I told you so_ face.

"You've had just as many drinks as me!" Maggie points almost accusingly.

Alex shrugs because Maggie is right, and truth be told, Alex was feeling slightly tipsy too. Tipsy enough to indulge Maggie, to kiss her, to let her squeeze her ass, because _god_ they both wanted it. And _god_ seeing Maggie so free, so happy was something Alex always wanted to see.

"Maybe, but I know how to handle my drink," Alex winks and Maggie groans because Alex Danvers winking in tight blue jeans and a leather jacket does things to her.

"And I don't?" Maggie challenges and she walks slowly away from Alex, resting agains the pool table, crooking a finger to Alex, inviting her to come closer.

Alex walks over slowly, making sure her walk doesn't betray the growing feeling of warmth from the drinks she's had.

She places her hands either side of Maggie's and leans in.

"We're in the middle of the bar," Alex husks into Maggie's ear, her lips hovering over her earlobe.

"Hmm, not a fan of PDA Danvers?" Maggie teases as she brings her head up, eyes locked with Alex's.

With that Alex crashes their lips together and she groans because _fuck_ Maggie tastes of beer and whisky and slightly of peppermint and then Maggie's hands are reaching up to tug on her hair and she almost whimpers as she feels Maggie's lips leave hers, but then they're on her neck and _shit_ that's gonna leave a mark, but Alex doesn't care because it feels so damn good. Her hands pull Maggie closer into her, away from the pool table and her hands find Maggie's belt buckle, her hands wandering until they slip into the back pockets of her jeans, squeezing lightly.

But then Alex hears a squeal that sounds suspiciously like her little sister and she reluctantly pulls away and she watches as Maggie's eyes flutter open slightly, pupils dark. She turns as she sees Kara blush from where she's standing at the bar as she buries her face into Lena's neck, and James is laughing and Winn is whooping.

"Good god Agent Danvers, it isn't enough I have to listen to those thoughts, now I have to see them too?" J'onn groans, but there's a teasing lilt to his voice and Alex smiles as she pulls Maggie with her, joining her friends, her family at the bar, sitting on the stool, spreading her legs and pulling Maggie into her.

Maybe letting loose once in a while wasn't so bad after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Find me on tumblr @sawyeralex


	25. I want us to be a guarantee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From this prompt:  
> hi! can you please write 42 of the things you said prompts ?  
> 42) things you said when you asked me to marry you

Maggie is drawn out of her thoughts, the nervousness swirling round in her brain as she registers Kara clapping her hands behind her.

"Maggie? Maggie are you even listening to me?"

"What? Yes of course," Maggie lies but Kara is unfazed, repeating herself.

"I said I'm excited! And that Alex is gonna love it. You know she's going to love being proposed to at the beach, she's always loved the beach, and she loves you more so it will be perfect."

Kara sees the look of uncertainty in Maggie's eyes and her heart softens for her sister's girlfriend and she moves closer, gently placing her arms on the brunette's shoulders.

"It's normal to be nervous Maggie. But honestly, she's gonna say yes. She basically worships you and I know she loves you with everything she has and then some more. And if it's anything like how I feel for Lena, which I'm sure it is, then she wants this, she wants you, she wants a life together."

Maggie nods, taking a deep breath and checking her watch and the sky.

"It's nearly sunset," she notes and Kara nods.

"James is just outside with his camera and I'll make sure there's no one on the beach, and Alex will be there to go for a walk. Sunset walks are your thing after all. She won't suspect a thing."

Maggie nods. "Thank you Kara."

"Pfft, call me sis," Kara jokes and Maggie laughs despite her nerves.

"Sure thing sis."

Kara giggles as she disappears and she hears the front door to Alex's childhood home unlock.

"Hey baby," Alex greets, kissing Maggie softly.

"Walk?" She questions and Maggie nods slightly too enthusiastically.

"Sunset walks are our thing Danvers," and Alex smiles, in love. _So in love._

They head out the door and Alex reaches for Maggie's hand and Maggie breathes deeply, willing her nerves to settle, for her palms to stop sweating. They walk for a while until they reach the place Maggie had scoped out. The place Alex had told her she'd always used to come to surf, to sit in the sand, her back against a cluster of rocks as the sun glared down on her, studying the science that had become her life.

As they reach the rocks Maggie spies James with his camera out of the corner of her eye, wary of the sun setting further, of the light leaving, of her nerves shaking.

"Alex," Maggie begins, stopping in her tracks.

"Yeah babe, everything ok?"

"Yes, no. Well yes. I think so, _god_ Alex," Maggie breathes, laughing slightly and Alex looks worried.

"I'm fine, it's fine. I just-I have something I want to say."

Alex nods at that, smiling, and Maggie continues.

"I love you Alex. I am so in love with you it's unreal. I never thought I would be this happy. I never knew that happiness like this existed. That your smile could light up my entire world, like being held by you can change my entire day. That one kiss from you sets my body on fire. But it does, and I never want that to stop-" Maggie breathes in and Alex's eyes widen because this is it. _This is it._

-"I love you morning, noon and night Alex. I love you grumpy at five am because you've been called into work early and will miss your morning run. I love you sleepy at night as you curl into me and let me run my fingers through your hair. I love you when it rains and I love you when the sun shines. I love the way you love Alex. I love the way you love me, the way you love Kara, and Winn and James and everyone. The way you love like gravity has let go of the earth and you would do anything to stop it from imploding. And I never want that to stop. Alex Danvers you are the most intelligent, most beautiful, charming, astonishingly wonderful and badass woman I have ever known, and I want to spend my entire life with you. I want everything with you. All those firsts we talked about, the ones you said you wanted with me. I want to start here, with this first. Another first we'll do together. Another two words that are a first for both of us. I want you to be the last thing I see at night and the first thing I see in the morning. I want to grow old with you Alex. I want us to retire one day and buy a house on the beach so we can sit on a swing and watch the waves. And I know our jobs are dangerous and there are no guarantees. But I want this to be a guarantee. I want us to be a guarantee."

Alex’s eyes are filled with tears as she breathes out Maggie's name because Maggie is kneeling now and there's a ring, _god_ there's a beautiful ring.

"Alex Danvers. Will you marry me?"

"Yes Maggie. Oh god yes yes yes. I love you, so much. Yes," Alex fights out through her tears as she pulls Maggie to her feet and kisses her like she's her entire world. Because she is. And maybe there won’t ever be a guarantee that they’ll always be safe, but they have one guarantee. The guarantee of a once in a lifetime love, of a wedding and being each other’s forevers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Two in one evening I am feeling creative haha. As always find me on tumblr @sawyeralex because now I'm emotional imagining married Sanvers help me.


	26. Distance isn’t forever, but I will bet anything that our love is.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From this prompt:  
> Hey, how about 15 for the numbered prompt things? And of course Sanvers please! If you don't want to that's okay too. Have a good day :)  
> 15) things you said with too many miles between us

Maggie sighs into her pillow and groans. Hours she’d been lying there, tossing and turning, sleep evading her. Not that she should be surprised, she hadn’t had a good night’s sleep since Alex had left. Since she’d let Alex leave. _Alex_. She just wanted to hold her close, to hear her breaths soft on the pillow next to her, for her to curl into Maggie the way she always did when they were together. But she couldn’t, couldn’t have Alex back, the way they were because Alex was there, Alex was thousands of miles away in a different country, on a different continent. Maggie reaches for her phone. Three a.m. She groans again, knowing work was going to kick her ass tomorrow, again. A tired detective with crappy coffee and crappy coworkers did not mix well. She quickly did the maths in her head; it would be something like six p.m in Germany and her hands hover over the call button.

But she hesitates, because what would she say?

 I _’m sorry Alex. I’m sorry that I didn’t fight harder for you, that I didn’t say we could make it work. Fuck this distance? We love each other and that’s greater than any obstacle?_  

It’s what she should have said at least, instead of crying and storming out because _everybody leaves Danvers, everybody,_ ignoring Alex’s protests of _it’s not forever Maggie. It’s not forever. I have to do this, I have to take this assignment, the U.S isn’t the only country with aliens, and alien invasions. You know you’d do the same, help a country set up and run their own version of the DEO. Come with me Maggie, god baby please come with me._

But Maggie hadn’t of course. Gone with her. Because she couldn’t, she couldn’t leave her work here, couldn’t pack up and leave and Alex had understood because if it weren’t for the fact that she was helping the world, saving countries, she wouldn’t have gone either. Maggie sighs, sighs and curses herself because Alex had made the tougher, the braver decision. She’d left National City, left her friends, her family. Left Maggie, Kara. Not that Kara couldn’t visit in the blink of an eye, but she’d left for unselfish reasons. For the greater good. And sure, it wasn’t forever, it was essentially just a temporary assignment, but Maggie had freaked. Maggie had freaked because Alex would be thousands of miles away and what if she met someone else? What if she fell out of love with her? And Maggie couldn’t deal with what ifs, with uncertainties, so she’d cried and she’d shouted and she’d spent hours on her kitchen floor sobbing until her lungs hurt. But she’d let Alex go. She’d made the worst decision of her entire life and now there were too many miles between them.

Maggie closes her eyes again, knowing that sleep was futile now because her thoughts were raging and settling on all her mistakes and words she wishes she’d never said. Her hands hover over Alex’s name in her phone. _Fuck it_. She hits dial.

She nearly puts the phone down whilst she waits for Alex to pick up, because why would Alex want to speak to her? After everything…

“Maggie?” Alex answers, sounding unsure.

Maggie’s breath leaves her body because the sound of Alex saying her name is too much, it’s all too much.

“Maggie are you ok? It’s like three am. Is everything ok? Are you hurt? Maggie?”

The panic in Alex’s voice is evident and Maggie shakes her head, forcing her worries away, concentrating on Alex’s voice on the other side of the phone.

“No no, everything’s fine Alex. I’m fine. I just wanted to hear your voice, I can’t sleep. I don’t sleep much at all now Alex,” Maggie almost mumbles and she hears Alex sigh sadly on the other side of the phone.

“Me neither.”

There’s silence on the phone now, the weight of words unspoken hanging on either side.

“I’m sorry Al.”

“For what Mags? For phoning me or for everything else?”

Maggie winces slightly at the angry tone of Alex’s voice. Not that she blames her, she’s hurt, she knows she’d broken Alex’s heart and she vows to spend her whole life making sure she never does again.

“For it all Alex. For everything I said and even more for everything I didn’t say. I’m sorry I didn’t fight harder for you, I guess I was too busy fighting for myself, looking out for myself rather than looking at what you wanted, how it would break you when I let you go. I wish I’d tried harder, wish I’d told you then what I know now, what goes through my head every second of every day. How I can’t go anywhere in the city without thinking about you. I can’t go into Noonan’s because I just remember how I used to get you and Kara coffee on my days off and bring it into the DEO. I can’t go to the bar because that’s where we had our first kiss and my lips burn to taste you again. I can’t sleep Alex-” Maggie chokes on her words as she struggles to speak through her tears.

-“Because you’re not next to me. There’s no sun in anything anymore Alex. You were my home and I let you go. I’m sorry Alex. I love you and I know it’s too late but I’m sorry,” Maggie peters off, unsure of how Alex will take this, take her words and the silence on the other end of the line isn’t comforting her.

She hears a choked back sob from Alex and the tears are falling faster now because hasn’t she done enough?

“I forgive you,” Alex whispers.

“You what?” Maggie asks, astonished.

“How Alex? Why? I don’t deserve that, I don’t deserve you.”

“Maggie. Listen to me. Am I mad? Yes. Will it take time for us to get back to what we were, if we even do? Yes. But I’m willing to try because _god_ Maggie everything you said is exactly how I feel. And I could have acted better too. I could have stayed for you. I know how hard it was for you to let me in and I’m honoured you did, but me leaving, me taking this job wouldn’t have been easy on you because you’ve been left too many times and I never wanted to do the same. So yeah, maybe you shouldn’t have let me go, but maybe I should have stayed too. So I forgive you Maggie, I forgive you and I will always love you.”

“Really?” Maggie’s voice croaked.

“Really Sawyer,” Alex smiles through the phone.

“Now will you go to sleep please baby? It’s really late.”

“Hmm,” Maggie mumbles, realising now just how tired, how worn out she is.

“Stay on the phone with me, until I fall asleep?” Maggie asks almost shyly.

“Of course Maggie,” and with that she regales Maggie with tales of her day until she hears her breathing even out and Alex sighs and smiles as she gently sets her phone down.

They had a lot to talk about and too many miles between them but Alex knew it was worth it, that Maggie was worth it. She opened up a new message to Maggie.

_There may be too many miles between us Mags and I know distance isn’t forever, but I will bet anything that our love is._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always hope you enjoyed blah deeee blah. I don't think I'm gonna cope after the season finale LOL.  
> Find me on tumblr @sawyeralex and come sob with me as I attempt to write fanfic.
> 
> Also thank you so so so so much for all the comments and kudos I really appreciate them all you are all wonderful people <3333


	27. Me and you, forever and always, on every alternate earth, in every universe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From this prompt:   
> Can you please write prompt #19 of the "things you said" prompts ? Thank you!!  
> 19) things you said when we were the happiest we ever were

There were notes, scattered around their apartment.

_I love you.  
If you were a scientific discovery I’d study you day and night.  
You’re gorgeous._

There were soft words whispered as they lay in bed late at night.

_Promise me we’re forever?  
Say you’ll stay with me even when I’m old and wrinkly.  
Pfft Danvers, we all know you’re going to invent some anti ageing alien serum that will stop that from happening. _

And there were soft giggles and kisses peppered to Maggie’s face.

There were early mornings, making coffee. 

_I can’t believe we’re getting married.  
I can’t believe you’re going to be my wife. _

Words that Alex would never forget.

_I want to take your surname Alex. I want to be a real part of your family._

There was laughter and there were mid afternoons doubled over in laughter and there were rainy days, quiet and content laying in each other’s arms.

There were words of encouragement, of desire. Of  _more_ , of _harder_ , of _right there, fuck right there._

There were a thousand _I love yous_ and then a thousand more.

There was _me and you, forever and always, on every alternate earth, in every universe._

_I do._

_I do._

_Wife and wife._

_Mrs and Mrs._

Words that neither of them would ever get tired of hearing.

_This is my wife, Maggie Danvers._

But it had taken her a while to get used to it, to get used to being happy. To get used to the feeling of waking up and feeling like the world, albeit not always a perfect place, had its beauty and had its good angles. It had taken her a while to let herself be happy, to let herself feel love and give love and receive love. To realise that she deserved this. That she was good enough, worthy enough to feel real, beautiful, bone crushing happiness. But she did. And she was happy. Sure she cried, she screamed and she raged, she spent nights in bed crying herself to sleep and mornings wishing she should just stay under the covers. But she was never alone; she had Maggie and Maggie made the sun shine that little bit brighter, chased the dark clouds away that little bit quicker.

And now? Now Alex was the happiest she’d ever been. Alex was in love and Alex was giddy and Alex was married, Maggie was her wife and she was Maggie’s and she saw stars and felt electricity course through her veins whenever Maggie touched her. Whenever she saw her wife. The burden of her days and the pressure of the world lifted off her shoulders somewhat when Maggie rested her chin on her shoulder, wrapped her arms around her waist, kissed her neck softly, whispered _I got you Danvers. Always._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M YELLING MY LESBIANS ARE GONNA GET ENGAGED AND GET MARRIED AND LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER HOW GAY
> 
> Deep breaths.
> 
> Thanks for reading!   
> As always find me on tumblr @sawyeralex


	28. Love is loud and a loud love is the type of love she’s always wanted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From this prompt:   
> Sanvers prompt for #3?  
> 3) things you said too quietly

Maggie watches Alex from across the bar, laughing with Kara, Winn and James and Maggie sighs softly, wishing she could be in with the joke. It’s not that she’s not friends with them, she is, or she’s getting there at least. Ever since she’d said those words to Alex, the _I’m here for you, but as a friend_ , things had been…strained. Alex, and rightly so, had distanced herself from Maggie and although things were getting back to normal now that Maggie had proven how much she wanted to be there for Alex as a friend, had told her how much she wanted her in her life still, things were not like they used to be. And Maggie regrets it, with every bone in her body. She regrets those words and she regrets all the things she said, but only to herself. She regrets not saying things louder, not saying things to Alex. She hates how she’s too afraid to really voice her feelings, to tell Alex that she likes, _god_ she likes her so much and that kiss was probably the most she’s felt in a while, that _god_ she wants to kiss her again, she wants to hold her, she wants to tell her she’s beautiful and strong and amazing, and if she’ll have her, Maggie would do her best to make things up to Alex, to show her how much she cares for her as more than a friend. As so much more.

But she doesn’t. She doesn’t say anything. And Alex is smiling, and laughing and healing and Maggie is falling apart at the seams, but she smiles. She smiles when she sees Alex search the room for her, eyes softening as they fall on Maggie, a small nod to check she’s ok, a nod from Maggie and a half hearted smile to try and make Alex think she is. But Alex cocks her eyebrow, because Alex knows Maggie too well, knows she’s not ok, but she leaves it because she also knows Maggie won’t want to talk about it in the middle of the bar.

She’s right because Maggie doesn’t want to talk about it, so she just smiles, again, takes a swig of her beer and sets up the pool table again, pretending she’s practicing just to make sure she beats Alex one day, but pool isn’t enough of a distraction. It doesn’t stop the thoughts from swirling round her head. It doesn’t help the way Maggie thinks back to that kiss, the way she’d lightly touched her lips with her finger, the taste of Alex’s lips, of fresh air and spearmint lingering on hers. The way she’d faintly tried to stop Alex leaving.

Oh God Alex. Oh Alex.

* * *

 

The nights she’d spent tossing and turning in her bed, itching to call, to text Alex, but instead she’d been too scared so she’d settled for her thoughts. Her memories of the feel of Alex’s lips soft against her own, the feel of her palms on her cheeks, her hand on her arm, pulling them together. The soft sigh and the way Alex’s eyes flickered open, her soft smile.

She’d tried, several times. Tried to tell Alex she was wrong, that she likes her, wants her, but she was scared. So scared that she whispered words when Alex’s back was turned, words of _your smile is so beautiful Alex, you should use it more._

When she saw Alex in her DEO uniform, soft sighs escaping her lips, a _holy shit_ escaping her lips, gaining her a quizzical look from J'onn.

When she saw Alex at game nights, in sweatpants and a loose top, breath leaving her lips and _god you even look stunning in sweats Danvers_ , shaking her head and holding her breath because _god_ Alex could’ve heard that and she wouldn’t want Maggie, not now.

Moments like this were all too frequent and Maggie wishes she had courage, like she does in her job, like she did as a fourteen year old. But she has no courage when it comes to Alex Danvers because she is her weakness and her strength all in one. She is beauty and grace and she is strength and she could ruin Maggie in as second and Maggie is scared because she could also, would also, be the best thing that has ever happened to her. Maggie is terrified. Terrified because it feels a lot like love, and the only love Maggie has ever known has ended in loss. And she can’t lose Alex. She just can’t.

* * *

She’s staring now and Alex doesn’t realise but James does and he comes over to her, smiling softly.

“You should just tell her you know.”

“Tell her what?” Maggie snaps and winces slightly, but James just smiles again.

“That you like her Mags.”

“I, I can’t-I’ve ruined it.”

James shakes his head. “You made a mistake, so what. We’ve all made mistakes, I did with Kara, and I regret them, but she forgave me, and Alex will forgive you. You’re scared Maggie and she gets that. Trust me, she gets that. And she looks at you like you could touch the stars and she has a sister who can actually do that. So yeah Maggie, she likes you, still.”

Maggie just sighs and takes a deep breath, exhaling shakily. “I like her so much James, I just think I’ve ruined it.”

“You haven’t, but you need to tell her Maggie because she’s hurting because she thinks you’ve rejected her, that you don’t like her.”

“I do-God I like her so much. She’s everything James. She’s beautiful and she’s intelligent and god she’s so cute and so funny. I want to kiss her and I want to hold her and wake up next to her and make her coffee. I want it all with her, but what if it goes wrong? What if I am just a passing crush?”

“You are not Maggie. She wants those things with you too. And love? Love is scary, love is full of what ifs and uncertainties sometimes, and sometimes things go wrong and things don’t work out. But you have to be brave enough to try because life without love is hard and it’s cruel. But life with love? It’s amazing and its worth it, and it’s happy. And believe it or not, you deserve to be happy Maggie Sawyer. So do me a favour, stop being quiet, stop declaring your feelings under your breath and tell Alex. Tell her how you feel. Go get the girl.”

Maggie nods and takes a sip of her beer. “Now?” She squeaks.

“Now is as good as ever,” James smirks and Maggie nods.

Maggie nods and Maggie sets down her beer and strides over to Alex because it’s now or never and James is right. She has to be loud, she has to let Alex know she likes her, _god_ how she likes her. She has to get the girl, because love is not quiet, love is loud and a loud love is the type of love she’s always wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed!  
> As always find me on tumblr @sawyeralex   
> I love and appreciate all your comments and kudos


	29. You are my sun, my moon, and all my stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From this prompt:  
> sanvers and 6) things you said under the stars and in the grass?

"I can't believe you made me freeze my ass off," Maggie jokes, snuggling further into her girlfriend's side, Alex scoffing slightly as she wraps her arm around Maggie tighter.

"Babe, we have blankets, and you have me. You're not cold."

Maggie just shrugs. "True, but I still think I need to get a bit closer," and Alex smirks at that as Maggie shifts slightly so she's intertwining her legs properly with Alex's, resting her head further up on her chest, exhaling softly as she hears Alex's steady heartbeat. A reminder that she's here with Maggie, she's ok, she's alive and she's safe, they're both safe.

"Better?"

Maggie mumbles a yes as she stares up at the bright night sky above her. The stars that remind her of the way Alex's eyes light up when she laughs, really laughs. Remind her of the stories Alex has told her of her teenage years spent with Kara, learning all about new universes and planets, the way the stars had always been a reminder of that for Alex; of home and of family found in the most unlikely of places. And now the stars are a reminder of something for Maggie too. A reminder that she's not alone in this vast world, this vast universe because she has Alex, she is a part of that family she treasures so much. The stars would always remind her of Alex, of the brighest star in her whole universe, of a light to guide her home and the promise that she would always be there, constant and unassuming, solid and real, a promise of no matter how dark things get there is hope. Of the quote that Alex has as on a magnet stuck on her fridge, _I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night_. And Maggie agrees now, she agrees, wholeheartedly agrees. Because Alex is her stars and her light and whatever comes she won't be afraid, can't be afraid because she has Alex and Alex has her and they have _love love love._

Alex shifts slightly, looking down at her girlfriend.

"Everything ok baby?"

"Yeah," Maggie smiles and leans to place a soft kiss to Alex's shoulder, causing her girlfriend to smile softly.

"Just that the stars are beautiful, and so are you."

"Aw Mags, flattery will get you everywhere."

"I hope so," Maggie wiggles her eyebrows and Alex laughs.

"Can we lie here for a little bit longer?"

"Of course," Alex replies and she makes sure the pillows she's grabbed from the trunk of the car and fluffed up and pulls Maggie closer to her, pointing out this star and that star, constellations and traces of universes, theories of Kara's and from Krypton and that they're all important. _God_ of course they are, but the world is vast and the universe is an expanse so vast they can't even imagine.

"It gives me comfort you know," Alex murmurs softly.

"Hmm," Maggie replies, prompting her girlfriend to continue.

"That we're not alone. That yeah we're tiny and the universe is vast, but it's nice, you know. Like with Kara, she came from a different planet with different visions and science but we found each other. And you, you came from, granted, this planet-" Alex laughs to herself, -"but it's still a vast planet and we found each other. I'm so glad we found each other."

Maggie nods her agreement, interlacing her fingers with Alex's and rubbing soft circles on her palm with her thumb. "Me too baby."

"And I don't know-" Alex shrugs -"the stars just feel like coming home. They feel like nights in Midvale with my dad, and Kara, of nights spent studying until I almost dropped, of clear night air and a living, shining, breathing constant reminder. That there was life up there, that maybe my dad was watching over me from the stars. And then when I met you, when I brought you here soon after we started dating, the stars gained another meaning. They reminded me of hope and of promise too because I met you, I fell in love with you and then the stars seemed to shine even brighter. Everything became brighter and clearer. Everything had more meaning and life became, well, better." Alex takes a deep breath.

"Al," Maggie gasps slightly. "Oh Alex." Maggie crawls so she's basically lying on her girlfriend now, burying her face in her neck.

"I love you so much. I'm so in love with you."

Alex ducks her head slightly as she places a soft kiss to Maggie's head, feeling her tears on her neck, whispering her next words, so softly that she's unsure if Maggie hears her.

"You are my sun, my moon, and all my stars."

But Maggie hears, Maggie hears and her heart swells and _god_ , she loves her girlfriend, _god_ she wants to marry her one day,  and sit on a swing on their porch when they're older, gazing at the stars. Forever gazing at the stars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! I'm on tumblr @sawyeralex so feel free to say hi! 
> 
> Two of my favourite quotes are in this work because I love a good quote or 5000.


	30. Those three words now, are home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So this isn't from a prompt but I watched this AMAZING video and fell in love with the song.   
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3x8kYBmfgrE&list=LLegkZOVcX3xr57EKqWrY_dQ&index=1
> 
> The song is Four Walls by Broods.

Alex pulls open the fridge door a little too forcefully, wiping the sweat off her forehead; she definitely shouldn't have gone for a run; it was too hot to run comfortably even late in the evening, but she'd needed to go. To clear her head, to stop the tears from falling, to stop her mind from remembering everything. Remembering the way Maggie's skin felt soft against her own late at night, the way her eyes sparkled, first thing in the morning albeit full of sleep, the way she tasted like mint and fresh air, the way her hair smelt like the ocean, reminded Alex of home. And where was she now? What did she have now? Her apartment didn't feel like home anymore because home had stopped becoming a place a long time ago. Home had become the way Maggie would walk up behind her, place her chin on her shoulder, and kiss her softly on her neck. Home had become the steady feel of Maggie's breath against her as she slept. Home had become _that_ smile, _those_ dimples, and the promise that Alex could be herself now, that Alex didn't have to pretend. Maggie had become her home, and now Alex realises that that was foolish, to make a person a home. Because homes were permanent, solid fixtures, and people were not. People leave, people leave and never return and you can't make a home out of a heartbeat. She knew that now. She knew that too well.

Alex sighs, more to steady her breath than anything else, opening her beer, the condensation cool and damp against her skin. She takes a gulp as she opens her laptop, clicking on a random Spotify playlist for something, anything to distract her mind because this apartment was becoming too much to bear. The walls seemed to close in on her and everything reminder her of Maggie; her well stocked fridge, the amount of cooking utensils she'd collected, the pine body wash Maggie used in the shower, the leather jacket she'd left behind when she'd rushed out the door, tears in both of their eyes and too many words left unsaid.

Alex knows she should shower, should make some food and not drink herself to sleep like she'd been doing most nights since Maggie left, since Maggie said- well since Maggie hadn't said anything really. Since Maggie had shaken her head lightly all those nights ago and Alex had known. Alex had known from the look in her eyes, and the way her lips didn't curl upwards more to the left when she smiled, that nothing was going to be the same anymore. That perhaps she wouldn't get her happy ever after after all.

She heard some upbeat song fade and another take its place, knowing from the soft voice and the melancholy piano undertones that she should get up, switch it over but she doesn't because she wants to feel and she wants to cry, so she sits down, swigging the last of her beer and closing her eyes, letting the music fill her senses.

_You walked in and said, "I've got some news,"_   
_I didn't say all I wanted to._   
_You know I told you that I wasn't scared. "Well, I lied."_

She should've said more, perhaps. Should have begged Maggie to stay, reassure her that they could work it out, whatever Maggie felt, however Maggie felt, that they could get through it together. But Alex hadn't, she'd stayed silent and stayed scared because Maggie was pulling away and surely this was inevitable right? Everyone pulled away and things ended. Planets imploded, worlds ended, lives were cut too short and people endured more than was ever fair. Alex thought that this was her lot, that she'd never really get to be happy; she'd always thought that, and for a short moment in time Maggie had made her believe something else. Something better, something more. That she _could_ have it all. That she could have her sister, keep her sister safe, make her mother proud, and fall in love. But she couldn't after all. Who could? Kara couldn't, she had to hide a part of herself every single day, cut a part of happiness out of her life, and although Alex no longer hid the secret she'd once been so scared of, she still felt like there was a part of her closed off to the world now. A part that rejected happiness and became resigned to the fact that not everyone gets a happy ending.

_You told me, "Babe I only think of you."_   
_And I said, "All I've got is a bunch of sad stories."_   
_And I told them all before the night was through_   
_And we cried, oh, but we're here now._

Alex slumps on the couch, her hands finding her face as she tries to stop the tears from falling. She remembers the days, the soft giggles when Maggie first called her babe. She remembers J'onn groaning, because _for god's sake Agent Danvers I am fond of Detective Sawyer but if you could just think of something else for even five seconds I would be very grateful_. The way they'd been completely open with each other, the way Alex had held Maggie softly on this very couch, cupped her cheek and whispered _I'm here to help you heal,_  even when Maggie had cried and Maggie's whole body had broken with the weight of the world because _Alex I'm just a book of sad stories without a happy ending_ , and Alex had replied, looking into Maggie's eyes, holding her gaze. _Then we'll make our own happy ending._

But they never had, and now they never will because Maggie had loved her and Maggie had left her because _I love you Danvers, god I love you but it's a lot, it's all a lot_ and Alex had tried to breathe, to rationalise but you didn't walk away if you loved someone, surely? You stayed and you fought and running wasn't flighting. She'd thought they'd come far enough to know that whatever problems they had, they could get through them together.But not this one, not marriage, not forever.

_And I'm trying hard to make you love me but I don't wanna try too hard_   
_And I'm trying hard to take it lightly but we're here now._

Maybe she'd tried to hard to love Maggie, to not let her go. Maybe it was all too soon, maybe she should've proposed in a more romantic way, got down on one knee, the waves in front of them and the stars above, maybe she shouldn't have proposed at all. Maybe she shouldn't have tried so hard, maybe she didn't try hard enough because it had been eighteen days and she hadn't heard from Maggie, hadn't texted her either because what would she say? _I'm sorry, we can make this work. Come back to me because home isn't home anymore and I can't breathe properly without you here? Because bourbon and beer are the only things that stop me from breaking down altogether? Because I can't sleep because my bed somehow feels far too empty but far too claustrophobic without you here?_ Maybe she shouldn't have said anything at all.

_I wanna make you feel how I feel when I'm listening to love songs_   
_I wanna take you to the peak of everything that you are_   
_You're everything I need tonight_

  
She wants to scream, wants to throw her empty bottle agains the wall, but she shakes and she refrains, instead grabbing another from the fridge because drinking meant forgetting and Alex has too much to remember. She remembers the nights spent tracing her hands over Maggie's body, memorising every curve, every dip and every scar, placing soft kisses from her neck down to her hipbones, her thighs tightening around her head as Maggie panting Alex's name became her favourite sound. Taking a swig Alex wonders if Maggie will ever fade from her memory, will ever become something, someone she doesn't need? If her love will ever fade or if Alex will spend a life wishing she'd made her stay. Because right now, tonight, Alex needed Maggie, she needed her touch, she needed her love and god, she needed her more than she needed to breathe, because what was breathing if she woke up every morning without Maggie by her side?

Alex finished her beer in record time, surprising herself by resisting the urge to grab another one and instead deciding to step under the shower to let the water wash away the day, the hurt. As she rises off the couch she hears a knock at her door, surprised somewhat. If it's Kara she'd either barge in or come in through the balcony, she definitely wouldn't knock so quietly at least. She glances at her phone, eleven p.m. Alex shrugs as she checks her gun and peers through the peephole, her breath rising in her throat as she seems a flash of dark hair, eyes focused on shuffling feet and she panics. She panics and she thinks about pretending not to answer because why is she here? She had left over two weeks ago and Alex had heard nothing since, was haunted by the broken look in Maggie's eyes as she'd whispered out _I can't do this Danvers, I can't do this to you_. But Alex breathes and Alex opens the door because she would never forgive herself if she didn't, because her heart still aches, her body aches for Maggie and if Maggie asked, Alex would come running. She always would.

Alex opens the door and Maggie's head shoots up and her eyes are red, a look Alex realised must be reflected in her own by the way Maggie tilts her head in understanding.

"Hi," Maggie breathes out and Alex tries to reply but the English language seems to have been erased from her brain and she just stands there.

"Can I come in?"

Alex nods as she moves slightly, letting Maggie into her apartment, their apartment. Is it still theirs? 

"Why are you here?" Alex regrets her words immediately, or at least the harshness of them as she sees Maggie recoil.

_Those four walls now, are the only place that I can breathe out_   
_Those four walls now, are home._

"I-I don't know Alex," Maggie breathes, trying to steady herself. "I mean, I can't do this. I can't do any of this without you."

Alex nods and she looks at her feet because _god_ she feels the same.

"I miss you Alex, so much my chest aches. I miss this place, how we made it our place. I miss the way you asked me to move in with you at my precinct in the middle of lunch and I never left after that night. I miss the way you smell and the way you taste, the way you feel Al. You became my everything and my home and my family and that terrified me, because I never knew what it was like to have all that, and then I had it all. And I threw it away." Maggie reaches up to wipe the tears that have started to fall, but Alex beats her to it, softly wiping the tears from Maggie's cheeks.

"It's ok Mags," Alex whispers softly, but Maggie shakes her head.

"It's not Alex. I messed up and you shouldn't forgive me because you asked me to marry you and I said no. I said no but my whole body lit up at the DEO when you asked me, when I saw the look and the love in your eyes. No one has ever looked at me the way you do, and _god_ that scared me, like I was teetering at the top of a rollercoaster. And I would give everything to take these eighteen days back." Maggie sighs and Alex sees the pain Maggie feels, the ache of counting every day, every hour without her.

_Those three words now, are the only thing that came to save me_   
_Those three words now, are home._

"But I love you Alex Danvers. I love you so much."

Alex just smiles, and Alex realised then and there that life is pain and life is loss, but life is also love, and grasping every chance of happiness. Because maybe she could be happy after all.

"I love you too Maggie Sawyer."

Maggie's eyes light up and she smiles but she's shaking her head, as if Alex shouldn't, couldn't.

And Alex notices. "Maggie. Maggie I love you and I always will. And sure, we have a lot to work out, and maybe I'll propose later, another time, be a bit more romantic maybe." Alex shrugs and Maggie laughs. "But you're home now. You're home and this will always be your home, you will always be my home."

Maggie nods and she steps into Alex's waiting arms and Alex sighs, because maybe home could be a person after all. Maybe home was just a feeling of love and the right arms holding you tight when the walls closed in around you. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I'm sorry...but hey, happy ending!  
> Anyway I'm still emotional about, you know, the news. But we can do this, we can get through it.  
> Find me on tumblr @sawyeralex where I'll be screaming into the void.


	31. Even if not everything is going to be ok, some things will be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From this prompt:  
> 41, Sanvers
> 
> 41) things you said you loved about me

Maggie slumps against the couch, bone tired after a long day. A long, worthless day of following up empty leads, of watchin another alien being hauled away just for being an alien, just for being different and she's reminded of Blue Springs, of her childhood. Of the way the kids used to call her names, call her different. Of how she used to long to have blonde hair, blue eyes because that mean fitting in and being pretty and Maggie wasn't any of that. Maggie was different. Of the snide looks in the canteen, of the way everyone, _everyone_  avoided her. Of the way her father disowned her, threw her out of the house, and the way her mother avoided her eyes. She's reminded of how people have never really liked her, never really loved her and she's wondering how anyone ever could. 

* * *

 

"Hey Maggie I'm home," Alex calls as she unlocks the door and places the groceries she's grabbed on the way home on the kitchen counter. "I bought some of your gross ice cream because I saw you were running low, and I was thinking we could get pizza because I really don't feel like cooking. I mean, well...watching you cook." Alex pauses, expecting to hear a laugh from her girlfriend but she just hears a sigh instead.

"Mags?" Alex calls, as she finally turns to see her girlfriend crouched on the couch, looking small and vulnerable and she rushes over.

"Oh baby, what happened?" Alex to sits down next to Maggie on the couch, placing a soft, careful hand on her leg. "Bad day?"

Maggie just nods, her head fixed on the hard wooden floor of their apartment, her hand coming to rest on where Alex's is on her knee and she interlaces their fingers, needing to feel Alex there, beside her.

"Do you want to talk about it or do you want to just sit?"

Maggie turns at the soft lilt to Alex's voice, and looks at her girlfriend and there's not a trace of anything but love, love and worry in her eyes and Maggie melts, because _god_ Alex loves her and Alex isn't forcing her to tell her what's wrong and Alex is content to just sit in silence for as long as Maggie needs. And that kind of love and unwavering acceptance is exactly what Maggie needs.

Maggie just shrugs and Alex scoots closer, offering up an open arm to Maggie and Maggie sighs softly as she curls into Alex's chest, Alex stroking her hair softly.

"It's ok Mags, I'm here."

They just sit like that for a while, tears running slowly down Maggie's face and Alex holding her, holding her and content to sit in silence, to not push Maggie for anything more than she wants to give because she loves her and she knows that Maggie knows Alex isn't going anywhere, and that when she's ready she’ll be there to listen to Maggie, to reassure her and to tell her that even if not everything is going to be ok, some things will be.

Maggie sits up slightly and Alex wipes a stray tear from her cheek, waiting patiently for Maggie to speak.

"It's days like today where I don't feel like I'm doing any good here."

"Oh sweetheart, you are. You are doing so much good, and I know me saying this isn't going to change how you feel, trust me I know that, but you are the best cop I know. I get it's hard, it's so hard to put your life on the line every day and sometimes get nothing back from it. It's hard to watch people die, to be placed in a position where you have to kill someone. And it's frustrating when things don't go to plan, when someone gets away, gets off from a crime they committed, when a lead turns cold, when innocent people suffer. All that, it's the worst part of our jobs-" Maggie nods and Alex leans, placing a kiss to Maggie's cheek.-"But Maggie, you have to remember all the good things too. Remember the times you've saved people's lives, you saved my life baby. The times you've helped kids on the street, the role model you are for queer kids all around the city, the one cop they can trust. How far you've come, all the barriers and prejudices you've overcome to get where you are now. Remember all the times you fought for justice, and won. All the criminals you've put away, all the alien refugees you've helped here. You're amazing Maggie Sawyer. And I know me saying this won't make you feel magically better, but you need to hear it. Bad days suck, but there will be good days too."

Maggie smiles sadly at Alex's words and she sees tears in her girlfriend's eyes as she takes a deep breath and interlaces her fingers with Alex's.

"I guess I need to start believing that, I know I do. And I do sometimes, I mean I love my job but it's so god damn hard, the bad times seem to overwhelm the good and I feel like I'm not good enough at work, like I'm not good enough for you, like I don't deserve to be a good cop, to be loved by you. Because that's sure as hell what it feels like, when I was a kid, growing up."

Alex feels her heart break at Maggie's words, at the defeated look in her eyes and she wants to gather her in her arms and destroy everyone who's ever hurt Maggie because _god_ she didn't deserve any of it. She deserves the whole world and all the stars in the sky and Alex would risk her own life to give it to her.

"Maggie, please look at me," Alex almost whispers.

Maggie looks up and she sees her own brokenness reflected in Alex's eyes.

"I love you, ok? Please don't ever forget that, or ever doubt that. Promise me?"

Maggie nods as she takes a deep breath. "I won't."

"And you are more than good enough for me Maggie, sometimes I think I'm not good enough for you." Maggie scoffs at those words, is about to refute Alex's words but there's something about the determination in Alex's eyes that stops her.

"I used to think _god_ why would someone like you. Someone as strong, as experienced and as wonderful as you ever like, ever love me? But you know, someone pretty special said something to me once, in a dive bar full of aliens," and Alex smirks as she sees Maggie's soft laugh. "I'm pretty sure your exact words were 'you deserve to have a real, full, happy life.' Am I right?"

Maggie nods. "I remember, it's real Alex, you're real."

It's Alex's turn to nod now, smiling as she remembers that night, remembering how she'd kissed Maggie later on, only to be rejected and then eventually, later on, kissed back.

"You deserve the exact same Maggie. You deserve happiness and you deserve to have a full life. A life full of love and light, and of worthiness. Because you're worthy of it all Mags, you're so worthy. You deserve all the love I can ever give to you, and the love I know Kara and my mom, and Winn, James and J'onn all give to you. You deserve happiness. You might think you don't, but you do. And I love you. I love you so much. I love how you rush headfirst into danger even if it does scare the crap out of me, because you do it to protect those who can't protect themselves. I love how you call my mom more than I do, and I love how you treat Kara like your little sister too, because she is. I love how strong you are, and I love how vulnerable you are with me, I'm privileged that you share that with me. I love all your flaws and I love you even on the bad days. I'm never gonna stop that, ok? So when you have days like this, you don't have to try and pretend, you just have to try and remember that I'm never going anywhere. Ok Maggie?"

"Ok Alex," Maggie nods, reaching to pull Alex into a hug, to rest her head on her girlfriend's shoulder, to breathe in the scent of Alex, to feel her home in her own arms.

"I love you."

"Hmm you better," Alex teases, pressing a kiss to Maggie's neck, and it earns a chuckle from Maggie and she smiles, properly, as she relaxes fully into Alex's arms because sure it's a bad day, and she knows it's she's going to have plenty more, but somehow, with Alex's arms to hold her and her words to soothe her, maybe she can get through them all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that made me emotional.  
> As always find me on tumblr @sawyeralex


End file.
